


I Can't Lose You

by MissRomanceJunkie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Coda, Dom/sub Undertones, Episode Tag, Episode: s10e18 Book of the Damned, Extended Scene, First Kiss, First Time, Love Confessions, M/M, Marking, Mild Angst, Rimming, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-03-25 16:49:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3817768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissRomanceJunkie/pseuds/MissRomanceJunkie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean walks in on Sam's conversation with Charlie at the cabin. Dean gets confused, Sam gets mad and they both might just get what they want in the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fits in as an extended scene to the conversation between Sam and Charlie and then continues as an episode tag after the end of the ep. I had most of the story planned out a few days after the episode aired, but didn't get a chance to write it up before the next one. The early chapters are un-beta'd because my lovely beta is having a weekend away and I'm just too damn impatient. :P
> 
> Update upon completion: I've loved every minute of writing this and the support I've received chapter by chapter has been truly wonderful. Thank you! :D
> 
> Enjoy. :)

Sam looked down at his laptop, searching for anything that might help them decode the Book of the Damned, but his mind was still on Dean.

_“This is my cross to bear Sam. Mine. And that book is not the answer.”_

Maybe it wasn’t, but Sam had to do something. He had to at least try, because they weren’t just in short supply of possible cures; Dean was running out of time. Either the mark would push his brother too far or Dean would give up completely. Sam had no idea what Cain had said to Dean before he died, but his brother hadn’t been the same since and Sam could see it written all over his face... Dean would run soon. Sam would do everything in his power to stop him, but if Dean decided he was going to leave, especially if it was as Sam suspected and it was to protect him and Cas, he would find a way. There was nothing more important to Dean than family and Sam and Cas were all he had left. Not including the redhead sat opposite him, that is.

“What did Dean mean? When he said you’d changed your mind?” Charlie asks, breaking the silence that had descended since Dean walked out. Sam let out a loaded huff, not quite able to laugh at the directness he should have expected from Charlie by now. Closing his laptop, Sam tried to explain the unexplainable.

“So, a while back, we had a chance to, um... Close the gates of hell. And, in order to do that, I would've had to die.” Sam went on with conviction, determined to make Charlie believe him when he said “And I was okay with that, and I am okay with that, but Dean was not. And so he, uh…”

“He saved you.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, he saved me.”

“And let me guess, in doing so, he did something you didn't want and that pissed you off. And you said something that hurt him?” Charlie summarised, she’s come to know them pretty well since they met what felt like a lifetime ago.

Sam smiled and let out an amused puff of air. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

“Brothers.” Charlie moved to get a drink as she continued, her back to Sam. “You know, I haven't been a hunter for very long, but it feels like this is the life. Mostly ends in Sophie's choices, death, or tears. Usually all of the above, huh?” Sam had to agree, his life could be a case study on the miserable life of a hunter. Then again, most hunters haven’t had to deal with quite as much shit as him and Dean. Every hunter had their reasons to hunt though, their own demons to slay. “How did this become my life?” Charlie asked, interrupting Sam’s melancholy. “I mean, I was gonna own my own start-up, marry ScarJo, invent something cool. Now I'm just…” Charlie turned to look back at Sam where he remained sat on the sofa. “I'm just happy to be alive.”

“You know, when Dean came to get me at school, I-I told myself... One last job, you know? One more job. And-and then when I... when I, um…” Sam paused for a second, the memory still a difficult topic, before continuing on, his voice a little softer. “When I lost Jess, I, again, told myself one more job. There's always one more job, you know? And one more job and one more job, and then I was gonna go back to law and... and to _my_ life.”

“You were the dread pirate Roberts of hunting.”

Sam let out a breath of a laugh but then sadness took over… pain following on its heels. “Yeah. I guess I really understand now that... This is my life. I love it. But I.. can't do it without my brother. I don't want to do it without my brother.” Sam’s voice was starting to fail him, the last word almost a whisper. These were thoughts he hadn’t yet spoken aloud. “And if he's gone, then I don't…” Sam looked around, fighting back intense feelings of sadness, anger and desperation all tied up in pain. He couldn’t say anything else, couldn’t imagine a world without Dean in it. Dean _was_ his world, end of discussion.

“Sammy.” A voice engraved in Sam’s very soul had him turning to the door behind him. He hadn’t heard it open and under any other circumstances, his brother would have berated him for the lapse. Now Dean just stared at him, frozen in the open doorway, shock masking any other emotions his brother might be feeling.

“I-I got it. I do.” Charlie said to Sam, but his eyes remained glued to Dean. After another endless minute of silent staring, Charlie quietly excused herself. “I’ll give you two a minute,” she said and squeezed past a still immobile Dean, shutting the door behind her. Neither brother broke the moment to tell her to be careful, to not go far.


	2. Chapter 2

“Sammy,” Dean managed to choke out again, his vocabulary narrowed to just the one, most important word after the private conversation he’d just overheard.

He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop. After the scuffle at the store, Dean had realised how stupid he’d been to leave Sam and Charlie in the cabin when he knew there were goons around looking for the newbie hunter and the book she'd stolen. He’d sped back to the cabin as quickly as he’d dared, but on realising the safe house was doing it’s job of keeping its guests safe, he’d slowed down to walk in and join the others.

That’s when he’d heard Sam.

_“You know, when Dean came to get me at school…”_

And Dean couldn’t have done anything but listen to his brother saying things he’d never thought Sam would admit to out loud.

_“Then I was gonna go back to law and… and to **my** life.”_

Dean’s heart had broken at that. All his fears, all his self-deprecating thoughts that kept him company in the darkness of night, had threatened to overwhelm him. He knew he wasn’t good enough for Sam, always knew this life was a consolation prize.

“Sorry Sammy, you can’t live happily ever after with your perfect girl, 2.5 kids and pedigree dog. Instead you get door number 2! A life on the road full of danger and loss, impossible decisions and endless regrets, with your fuck-up of a brother! Congratulations!”

Yeah, Dean knew this was never what Sam wanted... but to hear him lay it out like that? He had nearly turned around and walked away. He’d have jumped into the impala and high-tailed it out of there before his brother ever knew he’d heard his confession, but then Sam’s voice pulled him back to the conversation happening on the other side of the door.

_“This is my life. I love it.”_

Nothing could have prevented Dean from silently opening the door. He’d had to see his brother, he’d needed to see Sammy’s face as he spoke words that could only be absolute truth. Sam had no reason to lie to Charlie, and there was supposed to be no Dean around to force Sam into hiding his thoughts of possible failure.

_“I don’t want to do it without my brother. And if he’s gone, then I don’t…”_

Sam’s loss of words had been as telling as the lost look on his face.

Sam was the first to get himself together. Gently putting his laptop aside, he stood and turned to face Dean fully. Dean watched as Sam made the conscious decision to keep the sofa between them.

“I told you that I can’t lose you Dean, and I meant it.” Sam spoke with fierce determination, ready to renew the fight to convince Dean that he could be saved.

But Dean remembered the look of anguish and desperation that had passed over Sam’s face as he’d told Dean that he couldn’t watch him become a demon again. He hadn’t known what to do with those kind of feelings coming from Sam. He didn’t think his brother could ever feel that strongly about him again, wouldn’t fight this hard or admit this stuff to him now… not after Dean broke his trust so spectacularly after the trials. No, Sam was just using Dean’s hope against him, to keep him alive because of guilt or duty or whatever the hell reason. So when Sam had said he couldn’t lose him, vicious, poisonous words were spat back at him.

_"You change your mind on that? 'Cause that's not what you said last time.”_

Now though, Dean was just confused, which in turn made him angry.

“I'm tired of doing this Sam. You told me I'm not your brother. Now you’re saying that you never want to be anywhere else!”

“How many times do I have to say I didn't mean that! I'm tired too Dean! Tired of us sacrificing for each other. Tired of us hurting each other in order to protect or save each other. I needed to push you away. I needed you to understand that you don’t get to make my decisions for me. I’m not a little kid anymore Dean, we fight these fights together, as in partners. You have my back and I sure as Hell have yours, but when it comes down to it, you don’t see me as an equal do you? Otherwise you’d have let me close the damn gates.”

Dean hadn’t looked at Sam and seen a little kid in a very long time. He saw the strong, amazing man his brother had become and that of course was part of the problem. Beyond any obligations of family and orders to protect from dad, there was just love. Pure, uninhibited love for his brother, in every way possible. Dean couldn’t argue with Sam about going to any lengths to save him because he always would, but he couldn’t really explain why properly either. Luckily he didn’t have to.

“You’re so damn selfish Dean! You told me there wasn’t anything you’d ever put in front of me, but there is. Your own damn need not to be alone!” Sam couldn’t seem to stop shouting, like a dam had burst inside him and everything that had been held back on the other side for so long was going to come pouring out. In contrast, Dean felt utterly calm, his belief in his words and feelings on the matter unshakable.

“It’s not about being left alone, Sammy. It’s about not having you. Your life is more important to me than anything. More than my life, more than being your brother, more than any hatred for me you feel because of it. It doesn’t matter if I’m there or not, as long as you’re alive you can be happy… and that’s all I need.”

Sam looked furious now and when he marched around the sofa and stormed towards Dean, he wasn’t entirely sure that Sam wasn’t just going to knock him out and be done with it. Instead he grabbed Dean by the upper arms, momentum pushing them against the door.

“How is that fair Dean! Why am I not allowed to need you just as much? You asked me to choose to live over stopping immeasurable evil and I did. For you. And now all I’m asking is that you fight for your life too.  I know it might not be possible. I know that in the end I could fail you all over again and it will be worse than watching you be dragged to Hell because I know what’s coming. I’ve seen you as a demon, no cares and no regrets, and I’ll have to watch that thing parade around. Who knows how long it would take me to cure you again, if it’s even possible and I just can’t do it. I can’t lose you again Dean, not to anything. Not to Hell, not to the Mark and not to your own despair. So if I can choose you over everything, why can’t you choose to live for me?”

Sam let him go but didn’t step back. Taking a deep breath seemed to calm his brother, but in Sam’s eyes he just saw resignation. Sam spoke quietly now, sounding a lot younger than he’d probably like. “As I said, I’m tired of us hurting each other... but no matter what I said in anger, you are my brother, Dean. You’ve been my everything for such a long time that you always have, and undoubtedly always will have, the power to hurt me more than anybody else.”

“If I have to hurt you to save you I will Sam, I’ll never be able to do anything else,” Dean said, needing to make that perfectly clear before thinking about the rest of it.

Sam just laughed but it was in no way happy. “It’s losing you that hurts me most Dean, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

Dean didn’t know what to say. He wanted nothing more than to wrap Sam up in his arms and tell him he wouldn’t ever leave… But if what Sam was saying was true, it would only make it harder for both of them when he was pulled away.

“I won’t give up Sammy, that’s all I can promise you,” Dean stated and he meant it. For Sam, he would fight the Mark as long as he could. And then when he couldn’t… he’d make sure that his last sane action was to get as far away from Sam as he could.

Sam breathed a slow sigh of relief. He was under no illusions that his brother believed every word he’d said, but he’d made Dean believe enough to give them both hope. Deciding that his need for physical contact with Dean outweighed the danger in breaching his brother’s personal space, he lowered his forehead to rest on Dean’s shoulder.

“That’s all I’m asking for,” Sam said softly, daring to press a hand gently over Dean‘s heart. Dean turned his head almost imperceptibly, resting his own forehead against Sam’s temple in a surprisingly intimate touch.

They stayed like that until they heard Charlie approaching the cabin a few minutes later.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam had been so close to throwing a decoy into the fire.

It would have been easy. Dean and Charlie couldn’t see him in that moment and all it would have taken was a quick swap and he would have had the Book. He’d have had a way to save Dean. Except he didn’t know that for certain and Dean was right, he didn’t know what the price would be to cure the Mark and after everything they’d said to each other that day… He just couldn’t betray Dean like that. Dean had promised to keep fighting with him, for him, against the Mark and Sam may have called Dean selfish but in reality, he knew he had Dean beat when it came to his feelings for his brother. Sam didn’t want to lose Dean, not for any reason, not ever again. And if he’d lied to Dean, if he had kept that book and used it without his brother’s knowledge, consequences be damned? Dean may not have ever forgiven him, if he was even around to beg forgiveness. So no, he didn't consider a half-ass chance of getting rid of the Mark, costing God knows what, worth even the possibility of losing Dean. Not even to save him, and so Sam knew he was infinitely more selfish. 

Besides, Dean had told him to burn it. Told him he didn’t want to get rid of the Mark that way, and if Sam wanted to truly heal their relationship, he was going to have to trust his brother - trust that he’d keep his promise to not give up.

So Sam had thrown the Book of the Damned, and the chance to cure Dean, into the fire and watched it burn.

* * *

Soon after they returned to the Bunker, and Cas and Charlie had had their not-so-formal introduction, they sat down and had a bona fide family meal.

Good company, good food, and even better stories were just what Dean needed after another failed “cure” for the Mark. Looking around the table he couldn’t help but smile. It was rare to have down time together, and Dean knew that tomorrow they would probably part ways again for a while but tonight? Tonight Dean had his baby brother opposite him, his extended family around him, no-one was injured, Cas had his grace back and the Mark was mercifully quiet. He was as happy as he was going to be.

And if there was an undercurrent of tension between the brothers, Dean imagined it was just the aftershocks from their heart-to-heart. He doubted it would take long for them to settle back into their usual rhythm.

At the end of the table, Charlie was mining Cas for information under the guise of a game of Fortune Teller which, Charlie had informed us, was actually called Heaven and Hell in Germany. After Cas had been assured that the game did not have the power to send an individual to either location, the angel had been quickly caught in Charlie’s trap and was currently answering every question Charlie had thought to scribble down about Heaven and the Universe.

“I think Charlie might have found a new BFF,” Dean said to Sam, who had gone quiet at his side of the table.

Sam swallowed and a grin spread across his lips, drawing Dean’s attention there. “Charlie? I’d be more worried about Cas, dude. He’s found someone who will talk mythology with him for hours, you’re totally going to be replaced as his number one human.”

Dean blushed slightly and shook his head. It was nice for the three of them to be on the same page for once. As a team, Dean believed that he, his brother and his best friend were pretty much unstoppable. Charlie only improved their awesome quota which is probably why, once Dean had agreed to keep trying to find a way to cure the Mark of Cain, he was actually feeling optimistic. Before he could think on the matter of the angel and his returned grace, he was distracted once again by soft plush lips.

Sam licked some sauce off the bottom one and Dean had to look away before his body betrayed the lust that had been steadily growing since their intimate moment in the Cabin. It wasn’t like Dean was unused to the visceral need he has for his brother, it’s just that for some reason, his body believed it was close to getting what it wanted. The rest of Dean knew that to let even a flicker of what he was feeling pass across his face would only end in disaster. He doubted Sam would still feel the way he claimed to if he knew that all Dean wanted to do was march around the table and suck that lucky smear of sauce right off his brother’s perfect lips.

After dinner, Sam volunteered to clean up as the rest of them tried to settle on a movie to watch.

“You realise that I have now “seen” every movie in existence,” Cas said with a lopsided smile.

“What have I said about the air quotes thing Cas? Not cool.” Dean said, throwing himself onto a sofa. It wasn’t long after they really started calling the bunker home, or at least home base, that Dean insisted they convert one of the larger bedrooms into a movie room. There was just enough space for two sofas and a giant plasma. Charlie sat down on the adjacent sofa, pulling Cas down with her.

“Okay angel, lesson number one. Some things in this world have to be experienced to be properly appreciated. For example, having Game of Thrones downloaded into your brain does not in any way make you appreciate what a perfect moment it is when-”

“Charlie! Spoilers!” Sam chastised as he walked into the room. Charlie just shook her head with that trademark fangirl smirk that let the whole room know that she’d read the books and that we have know idea the spoilers she could tell us. Sam glanced between the turned off TV and the sofas before walking over to a pile of DVDs in the corner. He spent a couple of seconds finding whatever it was he was looking for before getting it ready. “There’s only one thing we should watch right now.”

The title screen for The Avengers appears.

“Dude, really? You haven’t had enough of end of the world bullshit?” Dean actually enjoyed the film when he’d finally got around to watching it, but Sam didn’t need to know that. His brother was a big enough geek for the both of them.

“The Avengers is awesome Dean. You know it, I know it. Besides, it’s only right to rewatch the film before we take Cas to go see the new one.”

“Hey, yeah! That’s a great idea, Sam. Your info dump was a finite thing, right Cas? It’s not like what Metadouche did has automatic updates?” Charlie looked hopefully at the angel.

“No. I have no knowledge of a sequel to this film,” Cas replied, a smile playing at the corner of his mouth the only sign of his own happiness at the thought.

“Woop! That’s settled then. We’ll watch this today, and tomorrow we’ll all go see Avengers: Age of Ultron at the nearest movies.”

“Hold on a minute,” Dean said, holding up a hand to try and calm Charlie down a bit. “Since when do we go to the movies?” Dean aimed the question at his brother since he was the one who started this weirdness.

“It may have been a while, but you’re not at the concession ticket stage yet Dean,” Sam smirked.

“You know what I mean, Sam. We’ve got more important things to be doing than making sure Cas sees a new film. No offence Cas, but even if I didn’t have the Mark, we’d all be off hunting something or other tomorrow.”

“I think you’re wrong,” Sam said quietly. “I think that everything starts with family, and if we’re going to beat this, we need to take a step back and remember why we’re fighting so hard.”

Dean gets it then. This is Sam’s way of stopping Dean from changing his mind, showing him what he has to live for.

“I made you a promise, Sammy.” Dean kept his tone calm, non-accusatory.

“I know, Dean and I trust you. But I also know that we could be searching for weeks… months… have already been searching long enough for you to-” Sam cut himself off, apparently just as eager as Dean to avoid causing an argument this soon after emotional progress. “I just think it would be good to chill out for a day now, because we don’t know when the next chance will be.”

Dean looked at Sam, studied him. He was always so damn smart. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Charlie said, reminding them both that they weren’t alone in the room if the twitch of Sam’s shoulder was anything to go by.

“Yeah, let’s watch some misfit heroes with some serious ego issues save the planet.” Dean made sure to use his biggest grin as Sam flopped down next to him and Charlie turned to spread out, tucking her toes under Castiel’s leg, much to the angel’s amusement.

Laying an arm along the back of the sofa behind Dean’s head, Sam hit play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of porn this chapter guys, we'll get there I promise.
> 
> I had a hard time deciding whether or not to stick to canon on the fate of the Book of the Damned at the end of 10.18. In the end Sam made the decision for me and half way through writing the chapter I found myself writing a new first paragraph in Sam's POV. Feel free to let me know what you think so far, kudos and comments are always appreciated. :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So because I'm enjoying writing shorter chapters with alternating character POVs, we're looking at the total chapter count being more like 7/8 now. I've already got the next few chapters written though, so I'll post them as I edit them. I'm still working without my beta at the moment because she's fallen behind on the episodes and I don't want to spoiler her. I suspect she's been possessed, this is the only valid reason I can think of for this behaviour. :P Anyway, all mistakes are my own so if you spot any, feel free to let me know. :)

“I did not expect to feel… concerned, when Tony Stark was plummeting towards certain death,” Castiel announced as the credits started to role.

“Concern? Cas, you’ve crushed the sofa arm!” Sam burst into a fit of borderline giggling, unable to hold it in. Not that he was really trying to when he was this happy and relaxed.

“You’re one to talk,” Charlie piped in, defending her sofa buddy. “You couldn’t have hidden further behind Dean without pushing him onto the floor when it was Thor who was doing the plummeting in that glass box.”

Sam felt his face heat up a little at that, knowing full well exactly how close he had gotten to Dean during the movie. He’d purposely left his arm along the backrest for as long as possible so that when his brother had leaned back, his hair had brushed Sam’s skin in a soft caress. After that, it was just a case of using his whole body to laugh and gradually he’d managed to move himself so that their arms and thighs brushed. Then to top off Sam’s silent mission for bodily contact, once Dean had shoved him out from hiding behind him _“like a little girl, Sammy”_ as Dean had put it, he’d easily rocked back to lay into Dean’s side. The fact that this had forced his brother to lay an arm behind him for the last twenty five minutes, lest it get crushed under Sam’s not insubstantial weight, was icing on the most delicious of cakes.

“Don’t be mean to my little brother Charlie. Sammy just feels more of a connection with Thor, what with the way they both pride themselves on their flowing locks and all,” Dean sniggered which earned him a jab in the ribs.

Dean wasted no time in grabbing Sam in a headlock, the cheater. Just because Sam knew all his ticklish spots from the hundreds of sparring sessions they got into when they were younger. Sam was so distracted by thoughts of testing each and every one of those ticklish points on the grown up version of his big brother, he missed Dean slowly reaching for his foot with his free hand.

The yelp he let out when Dean ran a finger along the arch of his left foot was in no way manly.

“You realise you’re declaring war right?” Sam wheezed, trying to shake Dean off and catch his breath at the same time.

“You’re not really in a position to be declaring anything but surrender right now, Sammy,” Dean stated smugly, punctuating the taunt with a wiggle of his fingers over just the right spot on his ankle. Sam managed to dampen his reaction to a grunt now that he was prepared, and worked on wriggling his fingers under Dean’s shirt to get at his ribs again.

“Do you think we should intervene? This looks like it could escalate quickly,” Sam heard Charlie ask, amusement colouring her words.

“I don’t think there has ever been a time when I’ve wanted to stay out their affairs more,” Cas replied making Charlie belly laugh before she stood up and grabbed the two Winchesters by their ears.

“You have guests you know. Flirt with each other in your own time.”

Dean spluttered, face going bright red as he sat bolt upright, rubbing his ear when the sudden movement yanked it out of Charlie’s grip. Sam steadied his breathing after the impromptu tickle battle, eyes never moving off his brother.

“Nah, Dean’s way too aware of his own looks as it is. I’m certainly not going to encourage him.”

“Fair point,” Charlie grinned, letting his own ear go and returning to her seat next to Cas.

Dean looked like he wasn’t quite sure what just happened, a look that just made him all the more adorable.

“Aww, don’t worry D. I’ll still tell you how pretty you look when I think you need it,” and Sam must have drank more than he thought because he usually has much better control of his tongue.

Something flashed over Dean’s face that he couldn’t quite catch but a second later that easy smirk of Dean’s was playing over his lips. His brother leant back into the corner of the sofa, arms and legs splayed out and said “I think you’re forgetting who the girl is here, Samantha.”

It was Sam’s turn to go a shade darker then, blood rushing to his already half hard cock. Charlie’s timing had been either perfect or disastrous in interrupting their tickling digression when she had. The fact that Sam really wasn’t sure which it was made him think, once again, that he’d had a few too many beers. It was so easy to lower his guard when Dean was so close and they were both so relaxed. Sam was only just starting to get his brother back though. His trust, his belief in Sam’s ability to get them through this… he needed to get ahold of himself before he put that in any further jeopardy.

Sam leant back into the other corner, putting some distance between them for the first time in a couple of hours, and gave Dean as natural a smile as he could muster. “If you need to make out I’m feminine to affirm your masculinity Dean, you go right ahead. I’m totally secure in my manhood.”

“You know, I could make a really good dick joke right now but it’s totally wasted when you’re all men.”

“Technically I am genderless, but I concede that my human body does indeed have the standard male parts so that, using your logic, the joke would also be wasted on me.”

Charlie stared at Cas until Sam caught Dean’s eye and they both burst out laughing. Cas chuckled along with them and then Charlie caught on.

“You were joking,” Charlie asked, wide eyed with a smile full of awe.

“Takes some getting used to but Cas has banked quite a bit of time as a human now and a whole lot of time around them. His sense of humour can be hit and miss but it isn’t half funny when it’s someone else left working it out.” Dean broke down again and had to put down the beer was trying to drink.

Charlie shook her head as they continued to laugh helplessly, the movement seemed to be becoming a habit the more time she was spending with them. “On that note, I think I’m going to go to bed.”

“Come on Charlie, we didn’t mean to run you off,” Sam said.

“I’m made of harder stuff than that Winchester. I’m just tired, I did get shot today you know. It might be healed, thanks again for that Cas, but my brain definitely remembers it happening.”

“I think I too will rest. Receiving my grace… I believe some time to think and readjust would do me good.” Cas smiled and it was good to see the light back in his eyes, so to speak. Dean may have been busy being a demon at the time, but Sam remembered vividly how pale and drawn the angel had looked when he’d left him after Dean’s death, he knew how close to death his friend had come himself before Crowley had force fed him another angel’s grace.

“Alright then you two, the rooms you both usually use are already set up so you’re all ready to go.” In fact those rooms were always left set up now, and Sam thought their guests were probably both aware of that. It warmed him to know that Castiel and Charlie understood that they were family, that there would always be a home for them here.

Neither Sam nor Dean made to move as they bid the pair goodnight, listening to Charlie and Cas discussing exactly how realistic certain fantasy shows and movies are.

“She seems to have Cas wrapped around her little finger already,” Sam noted, breaking the comfortable silence they’d been sitting and drinking in for the last couple of minutes.

“Yeah, you were right. Those two are a match made in Heaven,” Dean replied and then added, “No pun intended.”

“Good, ‘cause that was an awful pun dude.”

Dean smiled and took another swig from his bottle. Sam followed the motion, watched his brother’s Adam’s apple bob as he gulped down the alcohol like it was going to be taken away from him at any moment.

“I think I’m gonna head off to get some sleep too, Sam,” Dean said quietly and went to stand up.

All of a sudden, Sam couldn’t stand the thought of letting Dean walk away. It felt like they'd been hovering on a knife’s edge all night, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for another roadblock to come between them, right when they thought the drive would be smooth. Below that worry was hope that the tension was something else entirely, but Sam pushed it down completely and ruthlessly, as he had countless times before. Touching Dean was one thing, he’d almost lost his brother and if Dean allowed him to be a bit clingy for a while, well that wasn’t going to hurt anyone. Anything more… Sam shook the thought away before it could take root. Unfortunately, his internal struggle had made him forget to control his body’s reactions to his thought process.

Sam looked down to discover that his hand had already reached out and grabbed Dean’s wrist, stopping his brother cold.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Kat and Ellie who let me talk at them when I need to and then stick around to look over my long speeches to tell me if they make sense. Love you hunni pies.

Dean stared at a dark patch of carpet. Someone had scuffed their foot along the fibres and left a rough circle rubbed the wrong way, making the patch look a darker cream than the rest. It made Dean want to lay on the floor and doodle patterns in the carpet like he’d shown Sam how to do when they were kids.

He could feel his brother’s eyes on him, all grown up now. He knew that Sam would see the tension in his shoulders, the distance he was putting between them by leaning away ever so slightly. He would know that Dean couldn’t meet his eyes right now and for a moment, Dean hoped his brother would know why. He hoped that Sam would also see the sweat running down the back of his neck, the flush over his cheeks... the tightness of his jeans.

If Sam noticed those last few damning things he must have chosen to ignore them, because he came to completely the wrong, but probably predictable conclusion.

“You don't believe that I want to be here, do you?” Sam sighed. “You think I'm just feeding you a line to make you keep fighting.”

The silence then was far from comfortable.

Dean wasn’t sure what to say and it takes a while for him to speak. He couldn’t tell Sam what he was really hiding from, but then he couldn’t leave his baby brother thinking that he didn’t believe him either because even if he wasn’t sure that he did, if Sam could trust him, then he would just have to trust Sam too.

He would trust his brother to get the Mark off of him and then after that, he could maybe start to believe that Sam would stay... that he wanted to. Every day that Sam stayed from then on, Dean would believe him a little more.

“No Sam, I believe you.” Dean says, talking to that same patch of carpet.

“Don’t lie to me Dean, I thought we were past that now. I thought that we were trying to do better.” Sam sounded hurt and Dean could kick himself.

He should have known not to just feed Sam a line right now. Especially when Sam was trying to convince him that Sam himself wasn’t just feeding him a line. He knew his brother was going to think that he was putting up armour now, protecting the truth with a half-ass lie to smooth things over and he was, but not because he was trying to avoid a fight. That’s what Dean had spent most of his life doing, but this time… this time Dean was just trying to keep the most dangerous secret he had, a secret. Lying was just, unfortunately, his default setting to achieve any goal. He’d found it was a lot easier to get by in life that way, whether it was getting what you wanted or avoiding what you didn’t.

“You’re right.” Dean paused, trying to decide what truth was safe to tell his brother. Dean looked back over his shoulder from where he was sitting on the edge of the cushion and Sam’s eyes found his instantly.

“Let’s just work on getting rid of the Mark okay?” Dean asked hopefully. “Once the Mark has gone, we’ll see. Maybe I’ll believe you by then, I just need some time, Sam.”

Sam’s gaze turned to steel. “I’m not here because of the Mark, Dean. I’m not here because I want to save you from it. I’m here because I want to be with you.” Sam took a deep breath, his grip tightening on Dean’s wrist like he expected him to try and run. Doesn’t Sam realise that Dean’s never wanted to be anywhere but by his side? “The curse… it just happens to be here, you just happen to have a problem that we need to fix. A problem to overcome, Dean, not the reason I’m here, not the reason I’m staying with you.”

“I'm trying to believe you're happy here with me Sam, but you left before. I know it was a lifetime ago, and God knows we're different people now... but you'd still have left then, wouldn't you?” He knew this would probably lead to an argument, but it’s the truth, and at least it would be one less dark cloud hanging over their heads.

“I left for college because I had to know if there was more, because even then it hurt for you to be my whole world. When I was little, all I wanted was you Dean, your time, your attention... and you gave that to me whenever I wanted, but as I got older I understood more. Your attention was on me because you were told it had to be. Because a man who wasn't good enough to deserve your attention and devotion told you it was your duty to look after me.” Sam’s face was full of fury and Dean wanted to go back to talking about super-heroes and reacquainting himself with Sam’s ticklish spots. “It was painful to watch him use you Dean, to watch him mould you into a perfect little soldier. The older you got, the more hunts you went on... the less we saw of each other.” Sam paused, his eyes obviously seeing into a past that should have been put to rest a long time ago. “Then one day it seemed you were only ever there to get between me and dad, to take his side and tell me that hunting was important.”

“That’s not true Sam. Yeah it was my job to protect you but you’re my little brother Sammy, I would have hung out with you anyway. I always enjoyed spending time with you. And screw dad’s orders Sam, I _wanted_ to be the one to protect you, then and now. You’re telling me you left because I stopped paying enough attention to you?” Dean was angry. Strike that, he was furious. Furious at Sam for leaving, for talking all the time without ever saying what he really means, for tying him into knots about this for years. He was also furious with himself, because half the reason Dean had taken more hunts was to avoid getting too close to Sam. He’d known his brother missed him but he hadn’t wanted to pollute that kind of innocent love with the different kind of feelings he’d started to have for his little brother.

“No. Yes. You don’t understand, Dean.” Sam looked scared and Dean had no idea why.

“Then make me understand, Sam! How can I believe that you don’t want to leave now, when I don’t understand why you’ve ever left before? Why you’ve always wanted to leave me, even when you’ve stayed!”

Silence descended once again and it felt like an unmovable object between them, one they might never find a way around.

Dean knew he’d said too much, but couldn’t really regret it. If Sam didn’t know that this was about why he left Dean - not his family, not the job, but Dean himself - then Sam would have no hope in making Dean believe him, and Dean wanted to believe him more than anything.

Sam looked at him, stared at him, driving headlong through every barrier that stood between them, until it felt like Dean’s soul was on display and all that Sam would have to do was prod the right part and Dean would break forever.

“Dad wasn’t the only one who used you,” Sam said oh so quietly. He finally released his brother’s wrist and sat back, giving Dean the chance to walk away if he didn’t like what came next. “It wasn’t just hunting that took you away from me.”

Sam clenched a hand in his own jeans, taking deep breaths like he was about to dive off a cliff into the sea.

“I could never sleep when you went out you know. I’d have to wait up to make sure you got home safe before I could really rest. I’d always be rewarded too because no matter how much you drank or how late you got back, you’d always come straight to me when you came in. Sometimes you’d ruffle your fingers through my hair or tuck the covers around me tighter. Sometimes you’d lay a hand on my chest because you couldn’t see straight enough to tell if I was breathing or not. I remember you smelling of smoke and booze and cheap perfume, which wasn’t really unusual; I mean you were a flirt even then. Every time though Dean, you’d walk over to my bed and check on me… and then one night you didn’t.

That night you walked in and went straight into the shower and I didn’t understand why. I thought you must have puked up on yourself or something and would come see me when you came out but you just went straight to bed. After that you’d always shower first and then come over to check on me. I was always curious why though. There wasn’t a thing about you I didn’t want to know back then. My big brother, my hero. Then you walked too close to me on your way to the bathroom and everything changed. I could _smell_ them on you, Dean.”

Sam looked disgusted, like the scent of sweat and come and sickly sweet perfume still clung to Dean. He hadn’t wanted the aftermath of those one night stands on him any longer than necessary, any longer than was needed to scratch the itch. He’d never known Sam had waited up to check on him too or he’d have been more discreet. Sam went on before Dean could decide whether to say any of that out loud. “Of course I was only just starting to work out what my dick was for, I’d just started having urges of my own. I still didn’t really understand what you had been getting up to until one night I couldn’t stand it anymore and… and I followed you.”

Dean couldn’t think, couldn’t get past the horror of imagining what Sam could have seen. It was a good thing really, because it meant he couldn’t wonder where this was going, couldn’t hope, and he wasn’t sure he’d have the strength to fight hope right now. He didn’t even have the strength to tell Sam to stop talking.

“I doubt you’d remember the night even if I described every moment of it to you because I could do that, Dean,” Sam laughed bitterly. “I bet there were so many random girls in random alleyways that you’ve forgotten half of them and couldn’t tell the rest of the nights, and women, apart. I bet you can’t remember a single name.”

Sam was right. In fact, he was probably still giving him too much credit, but Dean was too busy letting out an inward sigh of relief to point that out. He’d forgotten that he didn’t start hooking up with men until after Sam left for Stanford. For one long, terrifying moment, he had thought that Sam was going to describe, in detail, how he’d watched Dean get bent over and fucked behind a bar by some tall guy with hair too long to be fashionable.

“You chose them over me Dean, just like you chose Dad over and over again. They all used you and you just let them. Now that’s what you think everyone wants to do!” Sam was shouting now. “What you think I do! I don’t want anything from you now Dean! I’m all grown up and the only thing I _need_ is my brother alive! That’s all. If you sent me away I would go, it might kill me but as long as you’re alive that’s all I need.” Sam looked shocked, like he hadn’t expected himself to say that, but Dean could tell that it was nothing but the truth.

Then, quieter now, “But if you asked me to stay… I would stay forever, for as long as you wanted me to. How can I be using you Dean, if the only thing I’ve ever wanted is to give you everything?”

Dean finally found his voice, the raw honesty of Sam’s words a salve for every cut he’d ever made in Dean’s heart, in his soul. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted too Sam, to give you everything you deserve.”

“That's not the same thing Dean. Who are you to say what I deserve?”

Dean thought that Sam deserved better than him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've taken a bit longer to post the next chapter than normal, but I'm hoping posting two chapters at once will earn me some forgiveness. :D
> 
> Thanks to my beta Ellie for being awesome.

“You still haven’t really answered me, Sam,” Dean said quietly.

When Dean had asked for time to cure the Mark in order to believe him, Sam had realised that he needed to prove to Dean right now that he could believe him. That even with the Mark on his brother’s arm, it was his choice to stay with Dean, that he wanted to be here with him. If Sam couldn’t explain just what Dean meant to him, why he couldn’t lose him, he would end up doing just that; Dean would always have these doubts and the anger and fear would tear them apart.

No. It was now or never, as they say, and so Sam had started talking. He’d let thoughts and feelings come pouring out of him, trying to hold nothing back.

Sam knew what question Dean was talking about, how could he not when it had felt like a knife through his heart?

_How can I believe that you don’t want to leave now, when I don’t understand why you’ve ever left before?_

Of course the answer was simple, it was the one last confession he needed to make in order for Dean to understand.

Sam had told Dean that he wanted to give him everything and he meant it. Now he just had to tell Dean exactly what he meant by everything, because he knew his brother; Sam might have just poured his soul out to Dean but without the right words, Dean wouldn’t see it for anything other than brotherly love. Dean was hard wired to be the big brother to Sammy’s little brother, to ignore any thoughts and feelings about anyone or anything that might compromise that.

Sam watched Dean as his brother waited for a reply and saw the same brief flash of _something_ in Dean’s eyes he’d been seeing all night. This time though, instead of pushing the wishful thinking away, he allowed himself to hope against hope that it was a sign his brother was doing just that - ignoring his own feelings to protect the roles they’d been cast in.

Even if he was wrong though and Dean hated him afterwards, at least he would understand why he’d left. He would believe that Sam wanted to stay, had always wanted to stay if he said this right. Whether or not Dean would actually want him to stay afterwards was just a risk he’d have to take.

“So ask me again,” Sam said and moved forward on the sofa so that he was sitting right next to Dean, their knees brushing. The air was still between them, the world constricting to contain only the two of them.

“Sammy,” Dean said and turned to look him in the eye, fear and hope and love swirling around in emerald green and Sam’s hope grew. “Why did you want to go to Stanford, and why did you leave me behind?”

Sam looked at his beloved brother and thought of every victory they’d been through together and every defeat, every soul-settling hello and every hellish goodbye. He thought of all the times he’d wanted to touch Dean, to kiss him, to _love him_ the way he wanted to. Every long stare as he came out the shower half naked, every single man tear he wanted to sooth away forever. Sam thought of all the times he’d woken up _yearning_ after a dream where he’d had Dean naked and pliant beneath him. The feeling just as intense when the dreams were of the two of them just living their lives together, day to day… growing old together. Sam recalled every time he’d thought _if only he knew_.

And then he let all that love, want and need show through his eyes and said, “I left you because I love you a hell of a lot more than I should, and I didn’t know how to deal with that back then. I’m not really sure how to deal with it now but... I’m in love with you Dean. I have been for a very long time.”

It took exactly six heart stopping seconds for Dean to surge forward and kiss him, wiping out every reason he’d ever had for keeping this a secret.

His brother moved one hand onto Sam’s waist and the other on the side of his neck as he took his mouth gently, landing feather light kisses across Sam’s mouth at first, like he was testing him. Sam made sure to answer every kiss with one of his own, wrapping an arm around his brother’s back, trying to give Dean the reassurance he was asking for.

When Dean grew more confident and deepened the kiss, Sam rejoiced at the show of trust, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth in reward. Dean groaned, threading his fingers through Sam’s hair, tilting his head to find a better angle as he licked into Sam’s mouth tentatively. Now that Sam knew his brother was on board with this though, he was done waiting.

He pushed Dean back onto the sofa, his head landing on the armrest with a soft thunk that Dean didn’t seem to feel. Then with a hand next to Dean’s head to hold himself up, Sam plunged his tongue into Dean’s mouth, tasting his brother properly for the first time.

One taste and he knew he’d never get enough.

Sam took full advantage of Dean’s momentary surprise and explored his mouth thoroughly, licking the top of his brother’s mouth before running his tongue hard along sharp teeth. He couldn’t wait to feel those teeth on his skin, marking him as Dean’s. He slipped a hand under Dean’s shirts, moaning into that sinful mouth as he finally spread his fingers out over skin. Either the sound or touch shook Dean back to himself and he met Dean’s seeking tongue with his own in an intimate caress. His brother kissed like he hunted; he barged in, guns blazing, his ability to get the job done unquestionable; but Sam was no slouch himself and he worked to show Dean how good they could be together. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to stop telling Dean that he loved him now, in one way or another.

After several minutes that seemed more like hours, they both pulled away, gasping for air. Sam didn’t move further away from Dean than was necessary to breathe and his brother, thankfully, made no move to force him out of his space.

“So when you said you aren’t here to cure the Mark, when you said you want to be with me…” Dean asked, eyes never leaving Sam’s.

“I meant in every way you’d have me,” Sam answered, hiding nothing from Dean now.

“And you couldn’t have just told me that?” Dean choked out incredulously.

“Would you have believed me without the rest of it?”

Dean shook his head ruefully. “Probably not,” he admitted.

Sam grinned down at him, peppering Dean with little kisses all over his face. He pulled back and laughed when Dean grabbed his face and pushed him away, completely happy in that moment.

“You really are such a girl, God Sam.”

Sam just kept laughing and then kissed him good and proper. “A girl couldn’t do what I’m going to do to you tonight, Dean,” Sam lilted into his brother’s ear, dragging out Dean’s name into a pornographic moan before sucking and nibbling on the lobe.

“Fuck, Sammy,” he groaned and dragged Sam down into a deep kiss, biting Sam’s lip when he went to move away and raising his head to attack his mouth again with vigour.

“So,” Sam asked once they’d parted, Dean flopping back to the sofa, arms crossed beneath his head like some cocky version of a damsel, “Do you want me?” Sam had to ask, had to be sure, but he couldn’t help the barest hint of a tremble in his voice.

Dean took his face in his hands, the gesture so tender that Sam went stock still. “Always, Sammy,” his brother said softly, answering every possible connotation of the question with his eyes along with his words.

Sam leaned forward to rest his forehead on Dean’s and finally lowered his body down, trapping Dean against the sofa and making them both hum in pleasure.

“About damn time,” Dean said as he grabbed Sam’s ass and ground up into him.

Sam rocked down into Dean in return and they soon got a rhythm going. He couldn’t believe he got to have his brother like this; cocks rubbing together through their jeans as they kissed lazily, no need to rush this because neither of them were going anywhere. They both knew that now. Sam couldn’t stop touching Dean everywhere he could reach. He ran his fingers through Dean’s hair, palmed his neck and teased a thumb under his collar, trailed fingertips down his brother’s sides and then up under his shirt. He spent time exploring the expanse of warm skin under there. Dean was toned, couldn’t afford to not look after himself in this line of work, but he didn’t enjoy keeping fit like Sam did so there was a softness to his belly that Sam couldn’t wait to lick and nuzzle. As he ran a thumb down the soft line of hair away from his navel, he wondered if Dean would moan or giggle when he used his teeth here.

Sam kissed down Dean’s neck with an open, wet mouth and bit into the flesh that curved into his shoulder, coaxing a new sound of pleasure from Dean’s lips. Sam needed more.

He wanted to feel every inch of Dean against him, skin to skin. He wanted to hear every sound Dean could make as he laid siege to his body. He wanted to hold his brother down as he explored every inch of him with his tongue. He needed to suck and bite and mark Dean so his brother would know just how much Sam wanted him to be his, because Sam had belonged to Dean his whole life. Then after all that, Sam wanted to make love to Dean; soft and slow so that there were no more arguments, no more doubts about why Sam was here and how long he’d stay.


	7. Chapter 7

Sam ran fingers over Dean’s right nipple and pinched it, sending flames of pleasure straight down to Dean’s cock. He licked his way back up to Dean’s mouth and began fucking it with his tongue, wet and sloppy and Dean was in heaven.

Sam was _perfect_.

Dean hadn’t said a single word and Sam had him on the edge of coming just using his hands and mouth, neither of which had even touched his dick yet. Dean’s erection throbbed at the thought and he couldn’t be any harder right now if Sam pulled him out and deep-throated him.

Sam loved him. Sam _loved_ him. It was like a hammer was drumming it out against his weakened defenses. Sam loved him. Dean didn’t know why or for exactly how long, but he knew it was the truth. Sam loved him. Sam was _in love_ with him and he wanted to stay with him.

It was going to take a while to wrap his head around that.

Until then, he’d give his brother everything because he might not be able to say it like Sam did, but Dean loved him too. He’d spend the rest of his life, however long or short that was, showing Sam exactly that.

Dean hadn’t moved his hands an inch from Sam’s ass since they’d started rubbing against each other. Not because he didn’t want to explore Sam the way his brother was him, but because he could feel the desperation in Sam. He knew what Sam was like when he discovered something new. Whether it be a new toy or a new hobby, Sammy let it take over his life for a while, playing or researching for hours on end, throwing everything he had into it. Sammy was energy and passion and Dean knew his brother needed this time to map him out, to touch him just the way he wanted to. So Dean would give him the time he needed, since all any touch of Dean’s would do right then was distract him, maybe even overload his sensitive brother, and when Dean finally did get his own hands and mouth on Sammy, he wanted to give nothing but pleasure.

He was going to make sure he was the best fuck of Sam’s life.

“Sammy,” Dean said, pulling back as much as he could, which, considering he had his gigantor of a brother spread out over him and pushing down into him like dry humping was going out of fashion, wasn’t very much.

“Dean, yeah,” Sam replied as he mouthed at Dean’s jaw, apparently incapable of not touching him with his mouth right now. Dean smiled and ruffled his little brother’s hair, trying to break through the lustful haze.

“Sammy.”

Sam pulled himself up and looked down at Dean, a little confused and disorientated and all Dean could think of was how he used to pull the same cute expression when he was a kid; when his body was changing and he tripped over everything in his path, when Dean caught him before he hit the ground. The comparison should probably freak him out, but back then Dean had also seen an unshakable trust in Sam’s eyes that Dean had his back while he took a vulnerable moment to figure things out; the same look of trust he could see in Sam’s more battle worn eyes now.

He saw the moment the haze cleared and ran a thumb across Sammy’s cheek, holding his chin in place for the briefest of kisses.

“Whaddya say we move this to a bedroom, Sammy?”

Sam’s eyes were full of heat when he said, “Yeah, okay.”

Sammy jumped off him, pulling Dean up too and showing a lot more coordination than Dean would have thought him capable of just that second; the quick movement had Dean running a hand over his dick to adjust himself. Sam saw the motion and seemed to realise he had access to his brother’s cock for the first time and quickly palmed Dean’s erection through his jeans, drawing a hiss out of his older brother. He ran his hand up and down a few times, gripping around as much as he could so that the outline of Dean’s cock couldn’t be any clearer. When Sam started pressing at the head with his thumb, Dean knew they’d better get a move on or he was going to come in his pants like a 14 year old.

“Bedroom, Sammy. Now.”

Dean pushed Sam’s shoulder and his brother got with the program and headed out the door. Sam was leading the way to Dean’s room and they might have made it there without incident if Sammy could have just walked normally instead of fucking sauntering seductively, driving Dean crazy with need as he stared at Sam’s ass.

As it was, Dean was clearly forced to teach his brother the about the perils of teasing a man on the edge.

It took seconds to catch Sam up and slam him into the corridor wall, taking his mouth like he’d wanted to a thousand times. Dean was so done being passive; his brother was the one who’d have to take what was given now.

Sam moaned into his mouth as Dean did some exploring of his own, getting his hands under Sam’s shirt, running fingers up over the ridges of his beyond-well-defined abdominal muscles to reach soft nipples that he stroked and teased into hard little points he could get between his teeth. Dean pulled Sam’s shirt up and over his head, drawing an annoyed grunt out of the younger Winchester at having their make-out session interrupted. He tucked the fabric behind Sam’s head, forcing Sam to remove his hands from where they’d been caressing Dean’s back.

“Stay,” Dean said, after taking hold of Sam’s wrists and holding them against the wall above his head.

Sam actually smirked, the bitch. “If you want me to obey your orders Dean,” Sam started, his voice as lilting and coy as any high priced hooker, “You’re going to have to offer me a reward.”

Dean groaned and latched his mouth onto a nipple, tweaking the other between a thumb and forefinger. A dull thump echoed through the hallway as Sam threw his head back on a hiss. Dean licked and sucked, getting Sam’s nipple nice and sensitive before catching the bud between his teeth and rubbing gently. He took a couple of seconds to admire the puffy, spit slicked skin and then gave the same treatment to the other one.

Dean scraped down Sam’s sides with his nails as he played, hooking his fingers over the waistband of Sam’s jeans and underwear both when he reached them. He pulled them away from Sam’s body slightly and rested his forehead on Sam’s ribs to look down at the thick head of his brother’s cock that was just peeking out.

He caught Sam’s stomach as he licked his lips and his brother shivered.

Dean tore his eyes off the tempting sight below and planted a soft kiss on Sam’s stomach, glancing up to take in the just as tempting sight above.

He took in Sam’s chest and nipples, red and puffy from Dean’s ministrations, the muscles of Sam’s arms taut as his little brother forced himself to hold still. The sight of Sam trying so hard to comply to his instructions sent a thrill through Dean. He followed the line of his brother’s throat, stretched even longer than normal as Sam looked to the ceiling and that wasn’t right. Sammy shouldn’t be hiding anything from him anymore.

Sammy’s reactions belonged to Dean and he had no right to keep them from him.

“Sam, look at me,” he said between kisses travelling south. He stopped just above the tip of Sam’s cock, chin resting on the edge of denim, and looked up into Sam’s eyes.

His brother’s expression took Dean’s breath away.

Sammy was looking at Dean like he held the answers to the universe, nothing but love and worship in his eyes. He also looked on edge and strung out, desperate for release and Dean chose to focus on the latter vision, not sure that he could deal with the former at that moment.

He let out a warm breath over the head of the cock lying less than an inch from his lips, teasing both of them.

“Deeeaaaaaannnn,” Sam dragged out, biting his lip and clenching his fists. His hands remained where they were though and Dean rewarded him by dipping his tongue into the gap between denim and skin and finally getting his first taste of Sam’s cock with one swirling lick with the flat of his tongue. “Jesus, fuck,” sounded above him and there was suddenly a fist clenched in the fabric over his shoulder.

Dean would have to work on Sam’s endurance skills later though because right now, all he could focus on was the intoxicating taste of Sammy’s pre-come and how to get more of it.

He wasted no time in undoing Sam’s jeans, unceremoniously pulling the clothing that lay between his mouth and Sam’s dick out of the way so he could lap at the hard flesh in front of him. He covered the length in open-mouthed kisses, nuzzling into the base where Sam’s jeans were still blocking access to his balls. He worked his way back up to the head and flicked his tongue over the slit a few times, trying to coax out some more of that delicious pre-come.

Sam’s hands found the back of his head, scratching gently at his scalp, and Dean realised his brother was muttering under his breath, head thrown back once again.

After one last lick Dean pulled away. “What was that Sammy?”

“Unggghh,” was all the response he got.

Dean chuckled, deep and teasing. “Come on now, Sam. If you want something, all you have to do is ask me nicely.”

Sam dropped his head to look back down at Dean and his eyes got so big Dean would have laughed if he wasn’t so turned on.

“I…” Sam’s voice was hoarse and Dean watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed to fix it. “I want… I need… please Dean-”

“Tell me what you need, babe and you can have it. Anything,” Dean said.

“Your-your mouth… God Dean, fucking _please_.”

Dean thanked Heaven and Hell that he’d rubbed one off in the shower that morning or hearing those words come out of Sam’s mouth in that _completely fucked-out voice_ would have sent him over the edge; thank you and goodnight, please leave all comments in the suggestions box. Wouldn’t that have impressed his baby brother. Ha. He’d have never lived it down.

Luckily he managed to keep his shit together and leaned forward to take the head of Sam’s enticing cock into his mouth and sucked, hard.

Sam’s fingers dug into his neck and he knew he’d have marks there in the morning. Sam ran his other hand round to where Dean’s mouth was spread wide, feeling the stretch of Dean’s lips around his cock. Dean moaned at the thought of Sam getting off on that, of knowing his brother was as helpless to hold back as he was.

The sound of a door closing echoed from somewhere nearby and Dean was on his feet, body shielding Sammy’s, in milliseconds. The brothers stared at the corner that led to what they’d named the guest wing but no-one came to disrupt their incestuous liaison.

“That was too close, Dean,” Sam said against Dean’s cheek. They were pressed against each other from head to toe, Dean trying to cover as much of Sammy’s body from any prying eyes that came along as possible.

“You think we’ll be able to hide this?” Dean asked incredulously. Cas maybe wouldn’t notice if they were careful but Charlie? Not a chance. Then self-doubt got the better of him and he asked quietly, “Do you want to hide this?”

Sam nuzzled Dean’s temple, the gesture meant to comfort, Dean knew. “This is a taboo you know, more than that… illegal. A sin.” The thought sent an unexpected spark of lust through Dean; apparently he was even kinkier than he thought. Sam shook his head. “But no, I don’t want to lie to our family about us, about what and who we are to each other.”

Dean buried his face in Sam’s neck, sure his brother would feel the smile on his face. “Good,” he murmured into the soft skin and placed a soft kiss there for good measure.

“Can’t say I particularly want them to find out by discovering me seconds away from coming, you on your knees with my cock in your mouth though.”

Dean kind of disagreed. There’d be no doubt who Sam belonged to then... but he didn’t really want to share these first times with his Sammy with anyone else so he didn’t comment.

“Bedroom?” Dean asked instead, grinding his hips into Sam’s erection, knowing full well how the rough material of his jeans would feel on Sam’s bared cock.

Sam hissed but met Dean thrust for thrust. “Bedroom,” Sam agreed and reached down to put himself away. His shirt he just pulled off and tucked into a back pocket though.

As they continued walking away from the guest wing and towards his bedroom, Dean couldn’t help but run his hands up and down the expanse of soft skin over strong muscle that was Sam’s back.

There were so many things he wanted to do to Sammy, with Sammy, well… The sooner he could get them on a bed and naked, the better.

On second thought, the bed might be optional.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and comments, it means a lot to me to hear what people think of my writing. :) Not far to go now. I've got the next chapter written but I'm going away for a week starting Saturday so I'm not sure when it will be posted. Probably early next week, if not before (WiFi signal permitting). And yes, I'm going to exceed my chapter estimate again, but not by much... I don't think. *shakes head at self*
> 
> Oh, and any advice for additional (or removal of) tags would be helpful. :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! Holiday, birthdays, family outings, work, life, yada yada yada. Here you go. :)

Sam sat on Dean’s bed and watched as his brother closed the door and leaned against it, one leg bent in the perfect vision of casual.

He was glad he’d chosen Dean’s room instead of his own. He wanted this night to be imprinted on Dean forever, so that if he ever started to regret this, or to change his mind or whatever other bullshit excuse for fear he tried selling Sam, he would go to bed and have no choice but to remember what they said to each other, what they were going to do with each other tonight. It wasn’t Dean’s mattress he was trying to create a lasting memory on, it was Dean himself.

“Hey,” Sam said, voice still gruff from arousal. His dick had hardly calmed down after the seriously erotic show his brother had put on for him in the hallway. Dean’s mouth was sin itself and no-one would convince him otherwise; not that he’d ever let anyone else get a sample for comparison ever again.

“Hey,” Dean replied and pushed himself off the door, coming to sit next to Sam.

Sam took his hand, interlacing their fingers, unable to stop touching Dean for any length of time now that he was allowed to. A small smile adorned Dean’s face and it would never fail to make him happy, knowing he could do that for Dean, after everything his brother had been through, after everything he’d put his brother through. He could still make Dean smile.

“So, how do you want to do this?” Sam asked, thinking it better they get the awkward conversations out of the way now.

Dean looked at him suspiciously and Sam knew what he wanted to ask, wondered if he would, but all he said was, “Real romantic, Sammy. You’d think I never taught you how to treat a girl properly.”

“Is that you admitting that you want to be the girl in this relationship?” Sam joked, hoping the question would push Dean into answering with something real.

“Hardly,” his brother scoffed.

In truth, Sam had liked handing over control to Dean in the hallway, but Dean was more reserved now they were in a bedroom; Sam could almost see him taking a mental step back and he needed to know why. If it was just that his brother wanted him to top, that was fine… but he had a feeling there was more to it. It was like Dean was holding himself in check right now, a total 180 from the confident, teasing Dean he’d just been fooling around with.

“I want you inside of me… I _need_ you inside of me, Sammy.” Dean spoke to the wall opposite them, he wouldn’t meet Sam’s eyes as he canted his head around his brother. His voice was full of lust though, so Sam wasn’t sure what he was missing.

“Have you done that before?” Sam asked.

Dean nodded once. He didn’t elaborate but Sam felt jealousy overwhelm him regardless, the thought of some man’s hands on his brother, coaxing pleasure out of him with his mouth… with his dick… it made him burn with rage.

He didn’t realise he had Dean’s hand in a death grip until his brother pulled out of it, placing his own hand under Sam’s jaw like he used to do when he was telling Sam off while actually trying to teach him a life lesson. Dean was finally looking at him though, so Sam let it slide.

“None of them were you Sam, and you’re all I ever wanted.”

It’s Sam’s turn to scoff this time, trying not to pull away from Dean. Even if the distance would help him get through this painful re-hashing, because apparently they weren’t quite done sorting their shit out, his brother might take it as rejection and Sam would never hurt Dean like that, especially when he’s letting Sam past some of his walls and being honest with him.

But still.

“All that time I was right there Dean. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me? After that night? Knowing you were letting some slut touch you, and now there were men too? I used to at least be able to think you’d never be interested in me because you were only into girls. But now…” Sam realised he needed an answer, needed to understand some things himself. “When exactly did I become all you wanted Dean?”

Dean’s silence spoke volumes and he knew that the answer, when it came, would provide no real answers, no relief.

“I honestly don’t know Sam. Always. I never had a light bulb moment where I realised I wanted to fuck my brother… those feelings kind of just… came as a natural progression. I think it’s safe to say I started having sexual thoughts about you about the same time you started thinking about sex at all.”

Sam hit furious again and pushed Dean’s hand off him, considered throwing a punch, but then he saw the doubt and pain in his brother’s face.

Dean was expecting a punch.

Not because Sam was angry at him though, for never saying anything, for picking up all those women and apparently men, even though he had feelings for Sam. No, Sam could see it in his eyes, Dean was expecting rebuke for something else entirely.

Sam took a breath, releasing the anger, unclenching the fist he’d unknowingly made. They were here now, together. This was a discussion, not a fight, not even an argument really. This was just a conversation they needed to have before they spent the rest of their lives together.

Sam laid his unfisted hand on Dean’s cheek and the flinch made Sam’s heart ache. Dean’s eyes snapped open, must have closed on instinct on threat of violence. Dean hadn’t even planned to block or retaliate, had just resigned himself to take yet another hit from life.

What the fuck was going on in that head of his?

He held his brother’s face in both hands and kissed him softly, dry open mouthed kisses that weren’t meant to lead to anything, just assure Dean that they were okay, that he was still there.

“Talk to me, Dean,” Sam whispered against his lips. “What’s wrong?”

“I-” Dean actually looked scared and Sam made sure not to move a muscle away from him. “I _wanted you_ , Sam. Don’t you see? You were under my protection, nowhere near old enough to understand that what I wanted was wrong when we were already so close. I couldn’t let these poisonous thoughts, my own depraved cravings, corrupt you. It was my job to protect you, even if it was from myself.”

“Dean-”

“No, Sam. I should never have felt like that about you. What the Hell was wrong with me? Instead I did what? Hurt you anyway by fucking my way through the country, trying to stop wanting you.”

That one hurt but Dean was hurting too. He kept his hands on his brother’s face, trying to ground him. “It’s okay, Dean. You were just a kid too and you didn’t know how to deal with those feelings either. Plus you never knew you were hurting me, you didn’t know I wanted you too, Dean.” Sam kissed him, needing to show him his confession didn’t disgust or repel him. They were in this together, always had been.

“I never thought you could feel the same way Sammy, never even crossed my mind.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you’ve always been an idiot with self-esteem issues.” Sam rested his forehead on Dean’s. “I know, Dean. I think I understand now. That’s why you pushed me away right? I thought it might have been because you knew how I felt about you but you were just trying to hide your own feelings. Yeah you hurt me, but I hurt you too remember. Even if I didn’t know how much, I knew leaving you would hurt.

“But I was doing the same thing Dean. You were running away through women and hunts and I… I literally ran; I ran as far away from you as I could. I thought you’d hate me and I couldn’t stand that. I couldn’t stand to see you pull further away from me either as I fell more and more in love with you. If we’d actually been taught to deal with our emotions, I might have told you this back then, maybe I could have saved us a whole lot of trouble.”

“If we’d been raised differently, we probably wouldn’t feel the way we feel, Sam,” Dean said quietly.

Sam could see that Dean genuinely believed that. If not about his own feelings, he believed it about Sam’s.

“You’re wrong,” Sam rubbed his thumbs along Dean’s cheeks. “This is just us. This is how we are meant to be.” He smiled against his brother’s lips, he already knew Dean wasn’t fighting himself anymore; they’d never have gotten to this point if he was; but he also knew that the past could haunt you, that sometimes you had to just pull it all out into the light and deal with it. “I love you, Dean. That isn’t ever going to change.”

“I- Sammy I...” Dean choked and it was okay. He didn’t need Dean to say words that made his brother feel too vulnerable. He knew those words only ever made him think of losing people.

Sam pressed his lips to Dean’s, deepening the kiss with his tongue, trying to tell his brother that he knew.

Dean pulled away first and Sam could tell straightaway that Dean was back in the moment with him, more of their pain on the way to healing.

“So, will you fuck me Sammy?”

Sam laughed and it felt good to return to their new kind of banter.

Sam hummed. “Maybe, if you say pretty please,” Sam laughed, a shit-eating grin splitting his face at the turning of the tables. Which reminded him… “And if you tell me why you want to bottom, since outside you definitely had me thinking you wanted to top. Which I would love by the way.”

Dean got that suspicious look again and Sam spoke before his brother could breeze over it.

“Yes, I’ve been with men before. Not many, but both ways. And I enjoy it both ways.”

“Didn’t even say anything, Sam.”

“Uh-huh. Well I thought I’d save you the trouble of making your mind up about asking.”

“Okay then. You’re right though, I do usually top, but the Mark can be tricky. I think it’s happy feeding off my lust at the moment but once I have you under me, if I’m inside you Sammy, I’m going to feel pretty damn powerful and I can’t guarantee the Mark will stay so quiet. It’ll probably raise it’s head during the finale regardless but it’s best if we try to avoid tempting it. That’s one reason I’d prefer you to top our first time anyway, but mostly Sam…”

Dean brushed his fingers into Sam’s hair, getting a good grip before pulling him over as Dean let himself fall backwards. Sam gave in to the demand for a kiss all about need and possession, enjoying the feel of his brother beneath him.

“Right now,” Dean continued, a little breathless which made Sam all kinds of proud, “I need to feel you surround me.” Another searing kiss. “I need to know you want this as much as I do…” A softer kiss. “That you want me.” He nibbled Sam’s jaw. “That you’re not going anywhere.”

Dean pulled at Sam’s hair so they could meet eye to eye.

“I want you to take me Sam, make me yours. Can you do that for me?”

Sam was floored. He never thought Dean would allow himself to ask for something like this and he’d be damned if he gave any other answer than, “Yes. Yes I’ll show you exactly who you belong to, Dean.”

Their next kiss lasted a long time, clothes falling away until only underwear was left. Neither of them were in a rush to remove that last barrier; instead, they let their hands touch and caress everywhere, learning each other anew. Sam already knew every freckle, every scar on his brother but now he knew what sound Dean made when he ran his fingernail over that white crescent mark at the bottom of his back from some fight with a demon. He knew what that little group of freckles on his thigh, that Dean denied looked like the constellation Cassiopeia, tasted like.

Every mark felt like braille under his tongue, telling the story of Dean’s life.

They were stretched out on their sides, mouths puffy from what could be hours of kissing for all Sam knew.

“Are we done talking now then, Dean? Anymore deep emotional scars you need me to kiss better?” Sam asked, totally relaxed and yet unbelievably turned on.

Content. That was what he was, he was perfectly content to stay here with Dean, in this bed, talking and laughing, kissing and touching, forever.

“Jesus Sammy, I’m gonna make you come so hard you’re gonna forget how to fucking speak,” Dean said, cockiness at the fore.

“Aww but Dean, don’t you want to hear me whisper filthy things in your ear?” Sam smirked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure I wanted to post this without the next chapter as well but since it's been a while, I didn't want you all to have to wait any longer when I had this ready. More sexy times to come though. ;)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks go to Ellie, there's no one I'd rather stare endlessly at a sentence with hunni. :)
> 
> It's the chapter we've all been waiting for guys! Enjoy! :D

_“Aww but Dean, don’t you want to hear me whisper filthy things in your ear?”_

Dean pushed Sam onto his back, shut him up with his mouth. He’d love nothing more than to have Sam talk dirty to him but he hadn’t forgotten how close he’d been to coming earlier from Sam’s wrecked voice and pleading words and he really wanted to last long enough to come while his brother was inside him.

Dean ran his hands up Sam’s thighs, rubbed his cock alongside Sam’s through their underwear. Sam thrust back up into him, grunting and pulling on the short strands of Dean’s hair.

“More,” Sam gasped when Dean finally got his hands under Sam’s ass to fit them together just right.

He bit down hard on his little brother’s lip and chuckled darkly when Sam’s whole body arched up towards him, seeking out it’s pleasure.

“More what, Sammy?”

“Skin,” Sam growled, the sassy bitch. Dean hummed, trailed a finger around his brother’s hip just below the waistband.

Sam whimpered and one look into his eyes let Dean know that his brother was beyond desperate right now.

“Too much,” Sam breathed into his neck, clinging to his brother like Dean was a life-raft.

Dean understood perfectly, their synchronicity stronger than ever. They’d waited so long for this… and Sam could wait longer, Dean knew that. His Sammy would beg so prettily if he asked him to but Sam was telling him that he just couldn’t take any more right now, that it was too right, that they were too good together and it was overwhelming him.

“Shhh, I got you. We can play another day,” Dean whispered into Sam’s ear, wondering if his brother would know exactly what he meant; it wasn’t like he’d gone through a list of possible kinks when he’d given Sam the birds and the bees talk, so really he had no idea how much his brother actually knew about dominance and submission… even if Sam was definitely displaying submissive tendencies.

Sam whimpered again.

Dean planted a soft kiss on his forehead and kissed a path down his chest. He gently bit into Sam’s hip as he slowly pulled plain black briefs down long, strong legs. He took a second to nuzzle at Sam’s neglected balls, taking each one into his mouth before licking up Sam’s cock and kissing the head. One day he might just spend a couple of hours worshipping Sam’s cock, keeping his brother on the edge of orgasm until Dean gave him permission to come down his throat. Dean was starting to reach his own breaking point though and moved up to kiss Sam once again.

Dean could tell his brother had regained some composure, more skill and control evident as they tasted each other. Sam’s mouth was fast becoming one of his favourite flavours, kissing him a new turn on in itself.

Sam pushed him up and off the bed, knelt in front of him to remove Dean’s boxers.

“So gorgeous,” Sam said and ran a finger through the precome at the slit while sucking a mark into his thigh.

Then he sat back on his thighs and sucked on his finger, hollowing out his cheeks and slurping. Dean used the self control he’d gained over many years, through hard work and determination, to not grab his brother’s hair and force that filthy mouth onto his dick.

Sam grinned, obviously knowing full well what he was doing to his big brother. Dean smirked back at him and ran his hand over his own cock, jacking it slowly a few times and Sam’s eyes snapped to the movement so fast Dean would have laughed if it wasn’t for the lust shining through his brother’s eyes.

Sam swayed towards him for a moment until he seemed to make the conscious decision to stand up.

“On the bed, Dean,” Sam said softly, more like a suggestion than an order, “Lay on your front.”

Dean did as asked, and when Sam came to kneel between his legs, he shivered in anticipation and a little bit of nervousness. It had been a long time since he’d bottomed but this was Sam. Already they were adjusting to the new dynamic between them, knowing and trusting each other like they’d never been able to before.

Dean went still as Sam spread his cheeks with two thumbs, revealing the tight hole Dean couldn’t help but clench under Sam’s gaze. Dean may not have been able to see the intense scrutiny Sam was studying him with, head buried in the pillow as it was, but he could feel it burning into his skin nonetheless. The first warm breath on his hole was soon followed by the first wet lick, one groan leading straight into another as Sam traced around the rim.

Sam ran the flat of his tongue over the opening a few times before pushing in just the tip, entering him slowly, like it was already his cock he was pushing in and the comparison made Dean wild with want. As Sam rimmed him, Dean knew his brother was getting him nice and wet, knew what came next and Dean pushed out as Sam pushed a single finger into him.

They both groaned at the tight fit, Sam’s arm pressed down where it lay across Dean’s back, hand tightening on Dean’s opposite hip.

“Can’t wait to be inside you Dean, Jesus. Gonna make it so good for you,” Sam said as he worked in another finger, spreading them to open him up.

Dean gripped the pillow when Sam lowered his head to plunge his tongue between his fingers, the moans his brother let out sending vibrations through to the awesomest of places.

“C’mon Sam, want you in me,” Dean said, voice gruff.

“You got lube?”

“Stuff’s in the drawer.” Dean waved a hand in the general direction of his bedside table. He hated the feeling of Sam’s fingers leaving him but he soon heard Sam going through the drawer and then three slick fingers were entering him and the stretch was delicious. “Yeah, that’s it Sammy.”

He felt Sam curl his fingers, setting his nerves on fire as he brushed against his prostate. Dean couldn’t have held back the long groan if he’d tried. Instead, he pushed back onto Sam’s fingers eagerly. Sam got with the program and gave him some sharp, deep thrusts, his little finger pushing against the rim on every push forward.

“So fucking hot taking my fingers like this, bet you could take more and more,” Sam punctuated the thought with a nip to his ass cheek, quickly licking over it in apology, nuzzling the mark he’d no doubt made.

Dean reached a hand back to grip Sam’s hair, pulling him gently away from the mark before Dean came from the perfect feeling of being claimed in such a way by his little brother.

“Not today, baby boy,” he replied and Sam choked out a gasp. Dean made a mental note to use the nickname more often… or should he say to it’s full potential. “Right now you’re going to take out a condom from that drawer, slide it down your dick, slick up good and then you’re going to fuck my brains out.”

Sam let out a string of expletives, hands gripping Dean’s hips, head resting on the top of his ass.

“You’re trying to fucking kill me, aren’t you.”

Dean just chuckled and pulled his brother up to kiss him over his shoulder. The angle wasn’t right and they were both tense from anticipation but to Dean it was perfect. They were riding the crescendo and Dean wanted nothing more than to hit the apex, to feel the pressure of all the emotion and lust they’d built up crash around them, over them.

Dean reached over to grab a condom himself but a strong hand caught his wrist.

“Sam?” Dean questioned, a spark of fear dancing up his spine that was quickly smothered by the soft press of Sam’s lips to his back, the reassuring brush of his brother’s thumb on his hip.

“No condom,” was all Sam said though and Dean was so busy being thankful his brother hadn’t called him on his moment of panic that it took him a couple of seconds to process what he _had_ said.

“I don’t think that’s-” Dean started tentatively but was cut off.

“I want to feel you Dean. No barriers. Nothing between us.”

Dean wanted that too but he had to put Sammy first.

“Sammy listen to me,” Dean said staying where he was, unable to look at Sam right now. “You know I’ve been far from a monk in my life… best to play it safe okay?”

Dean should have known better really, his brother had never taken the easy way in his life.

“No.”

“No?”

“No Dean, I said nothing between us and that includes other people. I’m not going to let your past… endeavours… get in the way of this moment for us.”

Dean turned over onto his back so he could get a look at his brother. Sam was wearing a distasteful expression and it made Dean happier than it should be to know that Sam was possessive of him. He could tell it took actual effort for his brother to find a polite term for his previous bed partners.

“Nothing between us means secrets as well Dean. If we’re doing this, then we’ve got to be together in it.”

Sam watched him as Dean absorbed that; he knew they were talking about secrets both in and out of the bedroom. Could he really do that? Be completely honest with Sam about everything? Sam wasn’t asking him to make a list of every secret he’d ever kept but if Sam asked him a question about the men he’d been with or how the Mark was affecting him? Or God help him, his time in Hell?

Dean saw the hesitation in his brother’s eyes, worry and doubt swirling around, waiting for Dean to commit to this. To him. It was because Sam wasn’t sure he would that made Dean realise he already had.

“No condom,” Dean said.

Sam’s smile was both pure in its happiness and wicked in its seductiveness as his brother rushed in to kiss him, hot and deep as Sam gripped the side of his neck, holding Dean to him needlessly when Dean had no desire to be anywhere else than in Sam’s arms.

Dean had meant it when he’d told Sam it was best to be safe because he knew he was more than likely clean. He hadn’t been with anyone in a while and getting tested regularly was just common sense with his lifestyle but Sam didn’t ask about any of that. He just trusted Dean to tell him if they could go without a condom or not. It only occurred to Dean then that the thought to ask Sam those questions hadn’t come to him either.

“Let me-” Dean gasped as he went to turn back over, his desire for his brother hadn’t flagged for a second and he wanted his brother inside him yesterday, but Sam stopped him with a hand to his shoulder.

“Like this, please,” Sam said, drawing a groan out of Dean. “I want to watch you come apart beneath me.”

Nodding, Dean reached for his brother, holding him close, just breathing him in. Sam worked his hole with a few fingers at the new angle, mapping out the path to his prostate and making Dean mewl with pleasure. He sucked at Sam’s skin, his neck, his shoulder, his jaw, anywhere he could reach, needing the contact in a way he’d never needed anything. Dean grabbed at Sam’s back, running hands up to his shoulders and down to his ass, digging into the muscle there as he bit down on Sam’s ear. He needed Sam in a way he’d never _let_ himself need anything before.

“Now baby boy, I need you inside me.”

Sam pulled away to slick up his cock, sinking back into Dean’s arms seconds later, their bodies molded together as close as they could get as Sam lined himself up.

Sam didn’t stop looking into Dean’s eyes for a second as he slowly sank into him and Dean saw all the want and need and fucking desperation he felt for Sam reflected right back at him. His brother felt even bigger than he looked and Dean wrapped his arms under Sam’s, holding tightly onto Sam’s shoulders as Sam held Dean’s face in his hands gently, reverently.

“So tight,” Sam said once he was balls deep. “Fuck Dean, I could stay here forever.”

Dean huffed and clenched around Sam as he adjusted to being so full.

“Hggnnn,” Sam groaned and moved a hand to Dean’s hip, holding him still, which of course did nothing to stop Dean’s torturous clenching. “If you want this to last Dean, you’re going to have to pack that the fuck in for a minute.”

Dean smirked into Sam’s neck and rolled his hips up into Sam, his brother releasing the small pressure the second Dean expressed a desire to move.

“Dean,” Sam choked out.

He nipped Sam’s ear again before whispering, “Fuck me good, baby boy.”

Sam pulled right out before thrusting right back in again, quick and hard, making Dean grunt with pleasure.

“Yeah, baby, just like that.”

Sam found Dean’s mouth and Dean took control of the kiss instantly as Sam set up a rhythm. Dean reached down to grab Sam’s ass, guiding him in his thrusts and Dean loved it. The feel of Sam inside him, hard heat so deep Dean would ache from the loss of it later. Dean giving himself to his brother and Sam taking it with short gasps against his lips and quick twists of his hips. Sam might be the one on top but there was no doubt that Dean was the one in the driver’s seat.

Dean pushed Sam back so he could lift his legs higher, Sam’s arms there to hold them without being asked, and the change of angle had Sam nailing his prostate on every push into him. Dean stroked his own cock in time with the movements of Sam’s but he had to stop after a minute, there was no way he was going to come before his Sammy was looked after.

He might have to take drastic action to stop himself soon though because now that Sam’s mouth was free, his little brother didn’t seem capable of keeping it shut.

“God Dean, so long- I’ve wanted this for so long, so fucking good,” Sam was saying as he shoved in hard, squeezing Dean’s thighs where Sam was practically holding his legs over his shoulders. “You’ve always belonged to me Dean... me... mine.”

Sam was panting, his brother as close as he was, Dean thought. Sam’s words, along with the feel of his brother’s cock driving into him, balls slapping Dean’s ass with every movement, were amping Dean’s pleasure up higher until Dean thought he might break under it.

“Mine, Sammy. You’ve always been mine too.” It comes out low and harsh, demanding, the Mark a slow burn on his arm as he bares his teeth in a growl, fingers clenching in the sheets to stop himself from reaching out and grabbing Sam.

Sam looked down at him, hips not wavering for a second from their fast pace.

“Yeah, I have,” Sam whispered and collapsed down onto Dean, hands all over him, mouth sucking a path up to his ear as they rocked into each other. Dean bucked up into Sam’s stomach, the sweaty friction heaven for his cock, and pulled his brother down into him with a punishing grip on his ass. Sam just fucked into him harder, faster, a guttural moan spilling from his lips, straight into Dean’s ear. It was possibly the best sound he’d ever heard.

“Deeaaannnn,” Sam dragged out in his ear as he hammered into Dean, “I need- _pleeaaase_.”

“I got you baby boy.” Dean knew what his brother needed and it sent shivers of possession through him…

Sam needed permission.

Dean’s fingers pulled tight in Sam’s hair as he ravaged his mouth, slowing their movements to deep, intense thrusts so that he could feel every inch of Sam’s cock as it entered his ass, every drag on the rim as Sam pulled out. He finally broke the kiss but kept their mouths connected, greedy for the little sounds escaping from Sam’s mouth.

He thumbed over Sam’s eyelids until he was staring into hazel, bodies tight together, sweat pouring off them as they both tried to draw this moment out but no moment can last forever and Dean was overwhelmed with the need to see more, to watch his little brother give in to him… give everything to him.

“Come for me Sammy,” Dean ordered, the words quiet but so very strong against Sam’s lips. “I want to feel you come inside me.”

Sam did what he was told with a cry and Dean felt him shoot against his inner walls. Whether it was that thought, the feeling itself or a combination of the two that sent him over the edge after Sam he wasn’t sure; he no longer cared though as ecstasy washed over him and he spilled his release between them, groaning out his brother’s name.

For a few minutes there was just blissful calm. Dean felt hands stroking down his sides and damp hair running through his fingers, he felt his own lips brushing soft skin but the sensations were far away as Dean floated through currents of euphoria.

Dean came back to himself to feel Sam muttering into his temple, nose rubbing in Dean’s short hair and Dean had to focus to understand the words.

“Mine, mine, mine.”

Dean’s ass gave a reflexive clench around Sam’s softening dick that had them both moaning and pulling gently apart, both of them over-sensitive at the moment.

Dean wrapped an arm around Sam’s waist who curled into his side willingly, head on Dean’s shoulder and hand drawing patterns in the come on his big brother’s stomach.

“You better not be writing your name Sam because I’ve already got the message that I’m yours… or at least I'm your sex slave anyway,” Dean teased.

Sam startled at the sound of Dean’s voice like he hadn’t quite realised where he was, or what he was doing. Dean couldn’t help but kiss Sam’s blushing cheeks as his brother looked up at him shyly.

“Knock it off,” Sam blustered, knocking Dean’s head away with a hand but Dean just laughed. Sam grabbed a discarded shirt off the floor which Dean took from him to clean them up.

“You good Sammy?” Dean asked quietly after they’d settled back down together, unable to completely hide his worry from the gorgeous man tucked against him.

“You’re kidding right? I just had the best orgasm of my life with the person I wanted most to be mine in the whole world but never thought I would get to be with and you’re asking me if I’m okay?” Sam scoffed and planted a soft kiss on Dean’s lips, thumb stroking against his cheek. He seemed completely unashamed of his chick-flick words and Dean found that for once he didn’t mind one bit. “I’m fan-fucking-tastic Dean,” he said, grinning from ear to ear.

Dean smiled back and let go of the last bit of tension he hadn’t realised he was holding on to. His Sammy, safe in his arms where he’d always belonged.

A couple of minutes later he fell asleep to Sam’s soft humming, his fingers running slowly through Sam’s hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me, no one could have been more excited for this chapter than me, let me tell you. Haha! I recon I've got one more chapter of the main story left and hopefully it will be up in the next week. :)
> 
> As always, all kudos and comments are greatly appreciated. :D


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have reasons but no excuse for my tardiness. Here's the penultimate chapter guys, hope you enjoy it. :)
> 
> There's a pretty long discussion on Dom/sub relationships in this chapter so if that's not your thing you can skip to the epilogue and still feel like the story's rounded off. You may miss some smut though. ;)
> 
> Also, my betas Ellie and Kat are awesome.

Sam woke up warm and content, feeling safe and happy in a way he hadn’t for a long time, if ever. Strong arms were surrounding him, his brother holding him close even in sleep, plastered together chest to chest.

Sam drank him in while he could. Spiky blond hair flattened by sleep, smooth brow undisturbed by worry for once, just a few wrinkles starting to show. There were some around his eyes though, like his face was made for smiles and laughter even though their lives meant both were few and far between.

Sam followed the line of his nose with his eyes, tempted to brush a thumb over the spattering of freckles there but unwilling to pull his brother from his well-deserved, well needed rest. Besides, he looked so calm, so thoroughly unaffected by the darkness that usually surrounded them.

Sam continued his perusal, chiseled cheekbones leading down to possibly the most dangerous part of the man lying next to him.

A distracting smirk or disarming smile could shape that mouth, scathing words and heartbreaking declarations could fall from those lips. Sam had always known these things growing up together as they had, around each other... a part of each other. Last night that mouth had whispered hidden desires, kissed the truth into Sam’s skin when it couldn’t produce the words.

Sam looked over every line, curve and angle of his brother’s face.

Dean was beautiful.

He knew that were Dean to hear him say that, his brother would probably call him a girl, in several imaginative ways, blushing profusely all the while at the compliment. Sam didn’t care though, it was the truth.

Leaning forward, he placed a soft kiss on Dean’s mouth, the other man’s lips pulling up in a smile in immediate response. Dean stretched and wrapped himself tighter around Sam, arms around his neck, morning erections pressing hard against each other. Sam groaned as his brother deepened the kiss.

The kiss was lazy, mouths moving slowly as Sam let Dean caress his tongue with his own. There were no demands or pressure for more, just love and affection expressed in the most simple way.

Dean pulled back, leaving his hands on Sam’s neck, thumbs rubbing his jaw, and opened his eyes for the first time that morning to look at his brother. Sam saw unguarded happiness in them and his heart clenched at the unexpected gift; Dean wasn’t one to allow himself to be vulnerable, even around Sam. Sometimes especially around Sam.

“Mornin’, Sammy,” Dean said. His voice, gruff from sleep, sent a shiver down Sam’s spine and his hips twitched toward his brother on instinct. Dean chuckled as Sam blushed.

“Hi, Dean.”

They watched each other in silence but it was far from awkward. Their hands roamed over whatever skin they could reach without pulling apart and they rocked into one another gently, searching for connection rather than release. Sam nuzzled into Dean’s neck, sucking slightly on his jaw and Dean sighed like he’d just eaten a whole apple pie. Sam grinned into his shoulder.

“So last night was fun.”

Dean huffed out a laugh. “Understatement of the century.”

“Yeah, well, wouldn’t want to feed your ego too much,” Sam teased, running his hand down Dean’s back to rest just above his ass.

“A little ego stroking might go a long way, Sam. Who knows what I’d do to show you how _fun_ I can be.” Dean spoke low into Sam’s ear and his skin tingled in response, cock growing harder at the thought of having Dean again.

“How’s the Mark?” Sam asked, not wanting to ruin the moment but needing to ask all the same.

“Mark’s fine Sam, quiet. Maybe it likes you?” Dean frowned, mouth curling in distaste. “Actually, strike that.” Dean shook his head. “How about we take advantage of the peace instead of talking about it?”

Sam grinned mischievously and moved his hand ever so slightly lower so that he could tease Dean’s crack with his little finger. Dean pushed back, trying to get Sam’s hand lower but Sam held him still with a hand to his hip and thrust into his groin more firmly. They were too dry by far and with no hand gripping them together, there wouldn’t be enough friction on his cock to come but Sam loved it. The feel of Dean against him was intoxicating and he knew if they never moved from this bed for the rest of their lives, he’d still never get enough.

He dipped his finger lower, stopping just above his brother’s hole, and rubbed up and down the crevice being careful never to go too low. He kept going, maintaining the slow, deep grinding of their cocks as well until Dean grabbed both wrists and twisted to trap Sam beneath him, arms above his head.

“Tease,” Dean dragged out, speaking into his ear again and adding a sharp nip to the ridge that had Sam arching up into his brother.

“Dean,” he groaned.

“Did you like taking what you wanted from me, Sam?” Dean’s voice had a hard edge to it that spiked Sam’s lust and a shiver ran through him before he could smother it. He clenched his fists and felt Dean’s grip tighten on his wrists in response and that really shouldn’t turn him on as much as it did. Sam knew he could break the hold if he wanted to but he didn’t, he was right where he wanted to be and it was confusing and exhilarating in equal measure to hand over the reigns to Dean like this, to _trust_ his brother like this, knowing that Dean would take care of him in every sense of the word.

“I really don’t like to repeat my questions, Sam.”

“Yes.” Sam licked his lips and stared at Dean’s, waiting for the next request… the next command. “Yes, I liked it.”

“Do you like what we’re doing now?”

Sam flicked his eyes up to meet Dean’s steady gaze, his brother’s eyes were filled with heat and wanting.

“God yes.”

“Have you done this before?” Dean asked and there was weight to the question, layers that Sam tried to pull apart but couldn’t through the haze of need.

“I… What?”

Dean watched him carefully and Sam bit his lip under the scrutiny. Dean licked over the small hurt and sucked it into his own mouth, laved it with his tongue before letting it go. He kissed Sam gently then pulled back to watch him again.

“I think we need to have this conversation with a bit more space between us baby boy, or I’m not going to get anything out of you,” Dean smirked and sat back on his heels, releasing Sam. Whether the small whimper that left him was due to the loss of Dean’s weight holding him down, Dean’s hands tight around his wrists, Dean’s words talking about space when all he wanted was to crawl inside him or that damned pet name that made his brain blank and set his body alight, he didn’t know but the cause was Dean which was all that really registered in his mind as he reached for his brother.

Dean pushed him back by the shoulders so that he sat against the headboard and ran his hands down his arms to take his hands.

“Just take a few breaths Sammy, okay?”

Sam did as he was told and after a few minutes, his head was clearer.

He smiled at Dean, letting him know he was good, and Dean smiled back, not a smirk in sight.

“Why did we stop?” Sam asked, his brother didn’t look upset or angry but there must be a reason he was just denied what was certain to be a mind-blowing orgasm.

“Did you like what we were doing?” Dean ignored Sam’s question, repeating one Sam knew he’d already answered even if he had been swept away a bit in that moment.

“I told you Dean, yes. I’ve loved everything we’ve done together.” Was Dean having second thoughts? Sam thought he’d been as blissful as himself when they’d woken up tangled in each other but perhaps not. “Have you?” Sam asked, unable to keep the doubt from creeping into his voice.

Dean caught it instantly as Sam knew he would. Strong hands held his face almost reverently as Dean kissed first his forehead, then his cheeks and nose before ever so sweetly kissing his mouth, chastely.

“Yes Sam, I wouldn’t change a second.” Something inside him eased at the statement; even if he couldn’t see the truth of it on his brother’s face, in the soft kisses and touches he’d never expected of his brother, he knew Dean wouldn’t lie to him about this.

“Then what-”

“Tell me what you like about what we’ve done so far.”

The light bulb going off in his head could have lit a small town.

_“Have you done this before?”_

Sam knew what Dean had meant now and the answer was no but… but Dean had given him an order and Sam wanted to obey, which was in itself an answer.

“I like it when you move me to where you want me,” Sam started quietly. “I like it when you make me stay there. I like it when you tell me to do something… order me to do something. I find myself obeying instead of rebelling which is strange because if you told me to go get you a coffee right now I’d tell you to go get your own damn coffee.”

Dean smiled and let go of his hands to rub circles into Sam’s thighs. Sam needed the skin on skin contact right now though so he gently placed his hands on Dean’s forearms, feeling the muscles beneath ripple as Dean’s fingers drew patterns into his thigh. When Dean didn’t move to shake him off, Sam continued.

“I lose myself sometimes, go off somewhere where I can feel everything so acutely but everything outside of us fades away. It’s scary, knowing you could do anything in those moments and I’d be pretty useless to object but I know you. I love you. I _trust_ you. And I know you’d never use this against me.” Sam spoke softly but the words were laced with steel. He may have admitted to being scared but Dean needed to know that Sam wanted this. “I also like to tease you,” Sam grinned, pinching Dean’s arms and having his hands slapped away and his wrists held down against the bed again in retaliation. “I think you need to be pushed sometimes but not to really challenge you.” Sam pushed now, up against Dean’s hands but Dean just used more pressure to keep his wrists in place, exactly where Dean wanted them to be. It made Sam brave enough- No. It made him feel _safe_ enough to continue. “You are who you are and I am what I am after all.”

Dean never looked away from Sam’s eyes as he spoke and Sam saw such power in them that had nothing to do with years of hunting or a millennia old curse.

“And what is that, Sam?”

“You are a Dominant and I-I-” Sam faltered, his lack of experience finally getting the better of him and the thought of letting Dean down because of it had him crawling into Dean’s lap and wrapping himself around his brother, Dean letting go of his wrists as soon as he realised Sam’s intention.

“You’re a submissive,” Dean said softly, stroking through Sam’s hair and Sam nodded. “You haven’t done this before, have you?” Sam shook his head, not yet willing to test his voice. “Easy, Sammy. I got you.”

Dean laid them down on their sides again, so they were facing each other.

They stayed like that for a short while, Dean running his hands all over Sam, calming him.

“I need you to know that I’ve been to a few clubs, know the general “rules” of the lifestyle but every long-term Dom/sub relationship is different, Sam. I mean I don’t think we’ll want every time we have sex to be a scene, do you?”

Sam wondered if it was actually possible for them not to at least want that if not need it, but he thought it was probably best if they at least tried.

“That might be a bit too intense if I do that disappearing thing every time.”

“There’s a name for that by the way but I think we’ve talked about this enough for now. We’ll discuss hard limits and safewords another day, baby boy.” Dean actually winked at that and Sam stared at his brother with big eyes and then smiled back, Dean would look after him. “Just know that you’ll never know how much it means to me that you trust me enough to get to that place in your head.”

Sam understood that Dean wanted to give him time to adjust to this new thing between them but he had questions that he was pretty sure would drive him mad if they were left to stew.

“I need…” Dean palmed Sam’s cheek and circled his thumb beside Sam’s eye like he would do when Sam used to get headaches. “I need to ask three questions please.”

“You can have two,” Dean said with a smirk. Sam thought that should agitate him and was surprised to find it didn’t. Instead he spent a minute carefully considering which two were the most important, he hadn’t actually narrowed them down to three when he had asked.

Sam glanced up at Dean and saw a small smile toying with the corner of his brother’s lips. Perhaps that had been Dean’s point. Maybe if Sam had thought more before asking for something, Dean would have given it to him without restriction. This way he was forced to think.

“How long have you known that I’m a submissive?” The question was one that hadn’t initially occurred to him to ask but Dean seemed to know so much about what Sam needed, knew how to give it to him. How long exactly had Dean been imagining being with him like this.

“I didn’t. You may be a natural sub, and I don’t doubt for a second that you are, but you’re not like that day-to-day, you’re not submissive generally.  Looking back there are moments… but at the time I had no clue and if I didn’t know, there’s not a chance in Hell anyone else would have been able to spot that about you.”

“So I’m not going to start letting you make all the decisions when we’re on a hunt then?” Sam asked quietly, he wasn’t really worried about it, knew his own mind but needed Dean’s reassurance all the same.

“I would never expect, nor try to force you to submit to me outside of the bedroom, Sam,” Dean spoke seriously.

“I’d like to think our sexcapades won’t be restricted entirely to the bedroom Dean…” Sam smirked and the surprised laugh it drew out of Dean was exactly what he’d been hoping for.

“Touche. You know what I mean though.” Sam nodded when Dean didn’t go on, rubbed their noses and planted a quick kiss on his brother’s lips. Dean’s smile was full of affection. “I’m going to be generous and not accept that as your second question.”

Sam startled, running the conversation back in his head while he worried his lip. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologise for something when forgiveness has already been clearly given.”

Sam understood that Dean meant this was to be an ongoing thing by the way he held Sam’s eyes with his own. A rule, so to speak, for future moments like this. Sam nodded again.

“Okay then… The whole losing myself thing…”

“It’s called subspace.”

_Subspace_. Sam wanted to ask Dean to tell him everything about it but that was stuff he could find out himself, no doubt there were websites dedicated to it if someone was willing to search for them. Dean had once told him that Sam’s research skill were second to none and Sam was nowhere near modest enough to disagree. No, Sam knew what he needed Dean to answer, something that he wouldn’t find online because it was going to be unique to them.

“It’s… dangerous… reaching subspace I mean. I agreed that we shouldn’t do a scene every time we want to be together because it would be intense but it would also be dangerous. I-I can’t _think_ in that space Dean, not like I normally can, not in any normal person’s understanding of thinking really.”

“I understand that. I’m not sure how deep you actually fell into it yesterday, mostly I tried to keep you out of it because I could tell you didn’t know what it was.”

“You asked me things and I heard the questions but couldn’t quite reach the answers. I could hear commands though, crystal clear, bypassing conscious thought because their was no conscious thought. Well there was but there was no conscious understanding, no conscious choice, just me reacting. That’s…” That was the scary part, but Sam didn’t really want to say that to Dean right now. “I told you I trust you.” Sam had to stop, moved closer to Dean and his brother’s arms wrapped around him, lining their bodies up, their half-hard erections going unacknowledged by both of them. “I understand that I couldn’t reach subspace with anyone else. That reaching it is me making a somewhat unconscious choice to hand over all control to my lover, to you. This way, choice doesn’t matter anymore because I’ve already chosen to trust you to make my choices for me. At least that’s how it feels, I mean I’m sure there’s more to subspace than that.”

“Your question Sammy?” Dean asked softly. Sam smiled at the gentle guidance.

“We’re hunters Dean. I know we feel safe in the bunker but the reality is that no matter how cautious we are with our protections, if I reach subspace and something evil attacks us, I’m a liability. I don’t want to have to avoid reaching that space with you Dean. I- It’s-” Sam sighed. “Now I’ve experienced that, I don’t want to give it up. I want you to guide me there so I’m completely released from myself, from my normal self, so I can just be yours. Your submissive.” Dean growled, the sound seemingly wrenched from him and Dean buried his face in the crook of Sam’s neck and inhaled, licked the skin there but didn’t bite like Sam desperately wanted him to. Looking for the cause of his brother’s restraint, he saw that the tension in Dean’s neck wasn’t quite right and Sam glanced down to see the Mark glowing slightly.

He smoothed his hands over Dean’s biceps and after a minute or so, Dean removed the fingers that had been digging possessively into his hips. He also removed his mouth at the same time and pulled back to rest his forehead on Sam’s. Sam remained quiet, let Dean work through this his own way, but never stopped touching him, grounding his brother like Dean had Sam.

“I’m okay,” Dean said, his voice rough like he’d been screaming but Sam just moved his hands up Dean’s arms and into his hair as he leant forward to connect their lips.

The kiss was tender, Sam giving support and Dean taking it for once. It didn’t last long though, Dean rolling Sam on top of him. Once Sam had adjusted and let his body weight press Dean down into the mattress without endangering any vital organs, Dean seemed to relax fully.

“I’m still waiting for your question, Sammy,” Dean said wryly as he rubbed his palms up and down Sam’s legs, thrusting up to bump their cocks together and laughing at Sam’s gasp.

“Bastard,” Sam muttered and tweaked Dean’s nipples.

“Sam. If you get a move on with your question, we might actually have time for fun stuff before we have to get up and face the day.”

Sam huffed. “Fine but I can’t wait for us to get rid of your Mark and I can be the one trapped underneath you, completely at your mercy.”

“ _Fuck, Sam._ ” Dean rose up quickly to catch Sam’s bottom lip between his teeth and Sam groaned.

“Okay. Okay. Question.” Dean dropped himself back down and rolled his hips languidly against Sam’s, the movement a clear promise. “How can we have this?”

Sam knew that was ambiguous but he also knew Dean would know what he meant. How could Sam be allowed to reach subspace when they needed to be constantly at the ready to face whatever damned monster or crisis that had the hots for them that week at any given moment. How could they ever make themselves safe enough to have that?

Dean looked thoughtful and Sam waited patiently. He was happy to see Dean considering his answers as carefully as Sam considered his questions. He wondered how long it would take him to get used to this side of Dean. Where Dean wasn’t automatically flippant or down right dismissive about things that were important to Sam. He’d always known that Sam’s needs came first for Dean but this was different, this was Dean as a dominant, caring for his submissive.

“There are ways to pull a person out of subspace but they’re not always reliable and can take time. I think I could create one myself though.”

Sam briefly thought of the Mark, of the barely held control Dean had over it. A way for Dean to pull him out of subspace if Dean felt the Mark taking over was definitely a good thing. Sam trusted Dean beyond question but the Mark was a whole different ball game.

“I’d have to train you while you’re in that space,” Dean went on, building momentum. “We’d build a question and response system so I know how deep you are at all times and with practice, theoretically, I should be able to train you to respond to pre-set questions even at the deepest level. We would also decide on a statement, something that would already be jarring to your conscious mind, and I would say it when you’re in subspace, followed by one of the normal ways to pull a person out.”

“You’re talking about conditioning,” Sam said warily.

“I prefer association but essentially yes,” Dean said without wavering. “The aim is to link the statement to the feeling of being pulled out of subspace so we have an efficient way to pull you out in case of emergency.” Sam nodded absently, the thought of his mind being altered when he was at his most vulnerable taking over.

“Hey,” Dean said, hand reaching up to cup Sam’s jaw. “You asked me how we can have this. I’ve told you we create a fail-safe system in your brain. I know that sounds a bit crazy Sammy, but there’s no rush. It’s unlikely I’d ever feel in control enough to let you fall into that space anywhere but the bunker anyway.”

Sam caught the glance Dean shot at the Mark and realised Dean had had the same thought as him. Of course he had. Sam felt stupid. After all, Dean had bottomed primarily to protect Sam from the Mark so of course he would have considered how Sam’s complete submission would affect it. It was the thought of Dean’s lack of faith in himself that allowed Sam’s faith in his brother to answer for him.

“I think it’s a good idea,” Sam said and relief flooded Dean’s face.

“I’m not sure what the safe-phrase could be yet but we can work on that together yeah?”

“Yes,” Sam answered with a smile. “I can’t wait to explore this with you Dean.”

Dean brought Sam’s lips to his own with fingers clenched in his hair.

“Sammy, Sammy,” Dean whispered against Sam’s lips.

“Dean,” Sam answered between gasps and moans as they gave themselves over to the pleasure, finally rocking into each other properly, chasing release. “Not gonna last Dean.”

Dean shook his head, breaking the kiss, but kept a firm hand wrapped in Sam’s hair. The hold was possessive, restraining, but not painful. Sam loved it, loved Dean. God, how he loved him. Sam’s own hands played over Dean’s ribs, thumbs coming to rest in the groove between thigh and abdomen, the rest of his hands wrapped tightly around his brother’s hips as he ground his cock down against Dean’s.

His brother pulled him down bodily on top of him so that their cocks were trapped between them, creating precious friction _finally_. The position reminded Sam of fucking into Dean’s tight ass the night before, how warm he’d been inside, how welcoming. He groaned long and hard, almost coming but held back by something beyond his control. He clawed at Dean’s sides below him and his brother yanked his head to the side and said one, blissful word before biting into Sam’s neck deep, right over the marks from the night before.

“Come.”

Sam did, screaming out at the pleasure-pain running through him. His mind remained entirely within the bounds of conscious thought but Sam found he didn’t really care. He felt Dean rubbing up against him and felt empowered.

“That was _so good_ Dean. I want to make you feel good too.” Sam spoke in moans, his voice low and seductive, raspy from screaming. “What can I do to make you feel as good as me, Dean?”

“Sammy,” Dean tightened the grip in Sam’s hair and pushed his head down firmly. It really didn’t take a genius but Sam wanted Dean to say it, needed Dean to tell him to do it, so he let himself be moved but then continued to wait, body contorted slightly. “Baby boy,” Dean said and Sam hummed, licked his lips as he gazed at his brother through hooded eyes but still he waited. Dean’s own eyes were piercing, far from the glazed look Sam had been expecting. His pupils were blown wide with lust though so Sam wasn’t worried.

He grinned cheekily and pulled his head towards Dean’s stomach, felt some hairs being pulled out by the roots, and licked a long stripe up the fleshy bit around Dean’s navel.

“Is there something you want Dean?” Sam asked innocently. Dean’s eyes blazed with heat, his nostrils flaring.

Sam’s head was pushed lower with force. “Suck me,” Dean commanded and Sam rushed to obey, taking two thirds of Dean’s cock down in one.

He sucked hard, making sure not to let his teeth touch the sensitive flesh. He rubbed his tongue along the underside, trying to gather as much spit as he could to let it dribble down the rest of the shaft. Dean groaned above him and Sam used his hand to spread the saliva around where his mouth hadn’t reached. His brother tugged at his hair and Sam knew he was growing impatient. Sam took pity and bobbed his head a few times but refused to pull back and focus on the neglected head. Instead he kept on taking the same amount into his mouth, keeping the suction even, and jerking off the rest with the increasing amount of spit.

Dean was hot and hard and perfect in his mouth and Sam wanted to make this last almost as much as he wanted to watch his brother shatter from his ministrations.

Finally Sam deemed Dean ready and pulled back to lick around the head and into the slit, tasting the salty precome he’d had the briefest sample of the previous night.

“Sammy-” Dean choked out and Sam couldn’t wait anymore, opened his mouth wide and took him all in, pushing Dean’s cock into his throat and swallowing around the head.

Dean let out a series of wordless noises Sam wouldn’t be forgetting the sound of anytime soon.

He pulled back when the need for air became vital to his continued conscious state but made sure to draw back slowly, licking along the underside before focusing on the glands beneath the head. Dean seemed to think enough was enough when Sam took just the head into his mouth and sucked just a little too lightly to be satisfying and grabbed Sam’s head with both hands. Sam moaned in encouragement and Dean grunted.

“Such a little tease baby boy, don’t think I don’t know you were hoping for this reaction either. The next time you try to lure me into doing all the work myself I’m going to bend you over my knee and spank you to ‘till your pretty ass is red raw,” Sam had a death grip on Dean’s thighs and his vision whited out for a few seconds at the thought but he still heard Dean say, “But right now I’m going to grant your wish and fuck your throat until I’m done with it.”

_This_ is what Sam had needed. Sam was Dean’s and he needed Dean to take his own pleasure from Sam’s body, regardless of Sam’s. He knew Dean though and his brother wasn’t the type to put his own desires before the satisfaction of his lover, especially Sam, so after Sam had gotten off so quickly, he’d seen his chance and taken it. Now Dean was being driven by lust, his little brother taken care of and Sam making it as clear as he could that Dean could use his mouth however he wished and Dean, Dean was looking down at him like he was everything he’d ever wanted and nothing like he’d expected.

Sam held his eyes as Dean thrust forwards into his mouth, swallowing him down as Dean pushed the head towards the back of his mouth. Sam kept his tongue flat against Dean’s cock as his brother fucked his throat gently at first, before gaining speed as Sam’s own sounds and vibrations of enjoyment reached Dean.

Sam moved a hand to Dean’s balls and squeezed gently, rolling each around in the sack, excess saliva making them slippery. He gathered some with his other hand and made his way further back and Dean slammed down his throat hard as Sam ran the pad of his index fingertip over the rim for the first time today. He continued to circle as Dean’s thrusts became erratic, his brother reaching down with one of his own hands to cup Sam’s throat and Sam could feel the large hand curve around Dean’s thrusting erection through the thin barrier of his own skin. Sam was hard again and he moved the hand on Dean’s balls to his own cock, jerking himself at the same pace as Dean’s pistoning cock. The choked off groans leaving Dean’s lips drew his gaze back up to his brother’s face and he wondered at the sight they made right now, lost in each other, with each other. Sam felt fingers hit his own on Dean’s ass and realised his brother had reached behind himself and was pulling himself open for Sam.

With his own head now free, he met Dean thrust for thrust and knew he probably wouldn’t be speaking much today. He felt Dean reaching the edge and looked up pleadingly.

“I want you to come with me, Sammy. Make me come.”

Sam sucked hard as Dean thrust in, tightening the fist he had around his own cock as well, and plunged the finger playing with Dean’s ass deep into him, the way made easier by the residue of Sam’s own come and then Dean was yelling Sam’s name, shooting down his throat and Sam was spurting all over the sheets below him, his second orgasm as strong as his first. Dean pulled out a little, his second spurt landing on Sam’s tongue for him to taste and the last of Sam’s come dribbled out of the slit in response.

Once Sam had sucked out every last drop of his brother’s release, he pulled off and only succeeded in dragging himself halfway back up the bed before flopping onto his back.

His throat was sore and his back was a little stiff from the awkward position but all he really felt was how soft Dean’s thigh was where the back of his hand was brushing against it and how sweat was sticking his shoulder to the side of Dean’s chest.

“Jesus fucking Christ Sammy but you are one demanding sub.”

Sam laughed but it was low and croaky and Dean groaned before shuffling down and leaning over Sam, taking his mouth in a kiss, seemingly searching out the taste of himself with his tongue around Sam’s mouth. Not that Sam was complaining as he sank into the mattress, pleased to have Dean above him if not completely surrounding him. He ran fingers up Dean’s ribs and over his shoulders before running them down his strong arms. He wrapped his hands around Dean’s wrists where his brother was using his arms to hold himself up above Sam. Sam pulled and Dean flopped on top of him and Sam practically purred.

Dean just chuckled. “Demanding,” he repeated.

Sam circled Dean’s neck with his arms and buried his face in his brother’s neck. “Thank you,” he said huskily.

Dean held onto him tighter, kissed him harder.

“I like your voice like this, Sammy,” Dean said smoothly, voice pitched low as he spoke into Sam’s mouth. Sam took tiny soft kisses while Dean was still willing to indulge him.

Eventually though, exhaustion overswept them and the last thing Sam felt was Dean’s sweetest smile against the bruises covering the side of his neck.


	11. Epilogue

Dean was woken up by a short red-headed woman bursting through his door, all talk of superheroes abruptly being overtaken by incessant squealing. Which was soon followed by the slam of the door and footsteps runnIng down the hall to the tune of:

“CAS!!! CASTIEL!!! DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS!!!”

Dean groaned and wrapped himself tighter around the gargantuan form of his little brother.

“Hmff. Dean, get offa me, you’re boiling, Jesus.” Sam huffed and pushed Dean away. His brother’s voice was sounding better after the short rest but there was still a little gruffness that wasn’t normally there and the slightly painful twitch of Dean’s cock was a direct testament to that.

Dean flicked Sam’s ear a couple of times, ignoring Sam’s blindly batting hand. “For fuck’s sake Dean, I’m in orgasm recovery right now, what is your problem?!”

Dean laughed and it felt good to let it out freely, no worries right now beyond the girl who had barged in and out of his room so suddenly.

“I think we’ve just been outed,” Dean said, trying for disinterest and achieving smug.

“Huh, what?” Sam asked as he pushed himself up, the two sat next to each other covers wrapped around their waists.

“Charlie just-”

“CAS!!!” They heard Charlie shout from just down the hall.

“I am here, Charlie. There is no need to shout, I believe Dean and Sam are still resting.”

“Resting my ass,” Charlie huffed before bursting into a fit of giggles. “Ass!”

Dean could imagine Cas’ unimpressed look and the image made him smile. It also made him get up and drag on yesterday’s pants so he could face any more trespassers without his junk hanging out.

When no further sounds come from the hallway, Dean considers climbing back into bed where Sam had curled back up under the covers.

A soft knock disrupted those plans before they could come to fruition. Dean took a deep breath and opened the door a crack.

“Yes?” Dean said, not sharply but not exactly friendly either. There was six foot four inches of heaven laid out half asleep on his bed and Dean wanted to go worship it.

Charlie stood up straight right outside the door and Castiel stood behind and to the right of her. Where Charlie was giving Dean the stink eye, Castiel was watching Charlie curiously.

“Well?”

“Well what, Charlie?”

“Don’t you have anything to tell us?” Charlie asked, hands waving around.

“Nope.”

“Dean,” a voice came from behind him. He felt Sam press himself against his back, his brother resting a hand on his hip. Dean subtly reached his own hand back to check Sam wasn’t giving their guests an eyeful but thankfully found the soft cotton of what he thought were his own boxers around Sam’s thigh. The thought made him eager to be rid of their interlopers so he could peel his boxers of of Sam slowly, maybe just using his teeth. “You clearly know what’s going on Charlie so how about you tell us if you have a problem with it.” Sam’s tone made it clear that if she did, the problem was hers alone and Sam wouldn’t tolerate it in his vicinity.

“Are you kidding?” Charlie exclaimed. “This is awesome! I mean the tension between you two was becoming unbearable. Subtext has seemed to be about five seconds from becoming some seriously raunchy text for the past, uh, I don’t know, twenty books or something!”

Dean frowned. “You’re not surprised?” Dean asked and Charlie’s guffaw definitely did it’s job in making Dean feel ridiculously dumb.

“Duh. I’m surprised you didn’t jump each other’s bones right there in the living room last night.” Dean felt himself blush before he could control it and Sam’s hand tightened slightly on his waist, his brother moving in closer to him for solidarity. “Oh my god, you did! I can’t believe I went to bed early!”

“We hardly would have done anything if you’d still been up Charlie,” Sam said tiredly. Dean’s desire to care for Sam ratcheted up.

“It’s incest,” Dean said bluntly, “And I’m supposed to believe you don’t have a problem with that?”

Charlie’s face became serious in a flash and Dean knew what it was like to hide your true face behind a mask of jokes. “You’ve been through so much together, how can anyone judge you for loving each other?”

Dean felt Sam nuzzle into his hair and watched as Charlie smiled at them softly.

“Cas?” Dean asked hesitantly, but moving into his brother’s body as he spoke instead of away.

“I know that you are both aware that you share a heaven.” Cas quirked his head. “I believe your friend Ash told you the circumstances that happens in. You are soulmates,” Cas said matter-of-factly. Both of Sam’s arms come to wrap around him from behind and Dean covers the clasped hands with his own. “I presumed you already knew that you love each other.”

Sam laughed but Dean just stared at Cas who held his gaze like he always did.

“You are not a monster, Dean,” Cas said very quietly and Dean closed his eyes, relaxed his body into Sam’s and let his brother take some of his weight.

“Now if you don’t mind, we have much better things to do this morning than humour you guys,” Dean said and turned towards Sam for a kiss that Dean made sure contained tongue.

“Alright, alright, we’re going. Keep it to the bedroom guys, please, a little class.”

Charlie spun on her heel and wandered off down the hall as Cas smiled like everything was perfect in the world before following after Charlie.

“Hey, wait!” Charlie shouted and Dean heard Sam sigh as his little brother continued walking towards the bed, flopping forwards to land spread eagled. Dean turned back to the closing door and opened it wide.

“What now?” Dean asked, definitely sharp this time.

Charlie’s nose wrinkled and Dean admitted that they were definitely overdue for a shower. _Hmmm, shower sex_. Dean grinned and Charlie’s look turned suspicious but her words were innocent enough.

“We still on for Avengers today?”

Dean had forgotten all about it but before he could say a word, Sam appeared beside him. “We’ll catch an evening showing,” his brother said before slamming the door practically in her face.

“That was kinda rude and that’s coming from me, man.”

“Yeah, well, I’m demanding remember and I want you all to myself for at least 5 more hours.” Sam stripped him of his jeans and took his hand, pulling him over to the bed but Dean used the connection to position them side by side, propped up slightly against the headboard with their pillows. Dean saw Sam’s frown and smiled at the slight pout that adorned his brother’s lips. “There nothing I can do for you Dean?” Sam asked, hands already wandering beneath the covers but Dean pulled them out, placed one on the hip opposite to Sam and the other on Dean’s chest. Dean himself wrapped his arms around as much of Sam as he could.

“Sometimes…” Dean started, a blush already gracing his cheeks, “Sometimes I just want to cuddle.”

Sam giggled and the sound was full of such pure happiness Dean felt a lump form in his throat. He loved this man, his brother, so much he could feel it pushing at his insides like it refused to be contained.

“I would never let this go but sometimes that’s all I want to do too.”

Dean looked down at Sam who had his eyes closed now, eyelashes fluttering softly as Sam’s eyes reacted to his thoughts. _This was meant to be_. Dean felt it to his very bones, Sam was as in this as Dean was and would be every step of the way.

“Sam, I love you,” Dean said, like it hadn’t been virtually impossible for him to say five minutes ago. The ease at which the words left his lips was surprising but there was such weight to them, such truth beyond their simple meaning.

Dean saw tears escape Sam’s eyes as his brother squeezed them shut and hung onto Dean. Then Sam opened them and let the tears flow freely. He cupped Dean’s face slowly and pulled their lips together in the softest of kisses.

“I love you too, Dean. So unbelievably much.” He wrapped himself around Dean like only he could and Dean relished it, hugged him back just as hard as he took Sam’s lips again, keeping the touch slow and loving, tongues twining just a little before they just rested against one another, breathing life into each other.

“Dean,” Sam whispered and Dean nuzzled into his brother’s cheek, stealing a quick press of lips upon lips, unable to stay away for long.

Their whole lives had been leading to this. Every wrong turn, every bad choice... they’d all led them here, to a place where they could accept that they could have this, deserved this happiness even, and that was a hard thought for Dean to have.

He loved Sam, and he believed with his whole being that Sam loved him back.

“I understand now,” Dean said gently, hands caressing to reassure Sam despite the return to this topic. “I understand why you can’t let me go without a fight and I believe you, that we’ll find a cure, because I want this Sam. I want this with you so much and I have to believe you.” Dean breathed in and out slowly but Sam seemed to have stopped breathing altogether. “You gotta know though Sam, we have to do it the right way, we have to find the right way, because you must know by now Sammy that I can’t lose you either.”

Sam breathed out slowly and nodded and Dean knew that together, they’d be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't believe it when I broke 100 kudos, and then to watch the view count rise and rise... your interest has blown me away. Thanks to every one of you for reading. Special thanks to everyone whose gone through my first chapter fic with me from the beginning and left me comments, they were what encouraged me to get these last chapters finished, even though I have a hard time writing endings because a story never really ends.
> 
> I've already got a couple of other fics completed/in progress that just need to be edited/posted/finished, so if you enjoyed this, look out for them. :)


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